I remember a few days ago reading some blogs and articles encouraging the same thing, thinking to myself: "Why can't I just be productive and lazy on the same day? It's worked before, especially in most of my high school classes; why not now?" Well, let me tell you why not.

Although I can't speak for everyone, let me be the first one here to admit that I'm a constant worrier; I could compete in the Olympics if worrying ever became a sport. I worry in the shower, I worry in bed, and I even worry at events with friends and family members. What do I worry about? Many things: trying to present my best self to others, keeping up academically, making many commitments, and actually having enough time to accomplish them. Even when I'm supposedly taking a "break," my mind still wanders to that next assignment I'm putting off, or how far I'm supposed to be in a reading for a class the next day. Much of this stress is natural, although other forms seem personally imposed either by expectations or the ever-changing demand of a competitive society. And I can't say I'm particularly resistant to facing them as I live by the day.

A couple of hours before the start of Fall Break, I listened to my favorite trigger words in a class which I had no particular struggles with. Then, it hit me: I forgot to turn in a assignment. Now at this second, I can cue the October of 2014, approximately one year ago where the same thing had happened and I had thought the end was near (*cue the mental breakdown and screaming tantrums in the middle of AP English that I was particularly proud of*). This time, however, I simply stared off into space in a fluid mix of irritation and despair, unconsciously adding this task to a rather lengthy list of things to accomplish over the period. Constructive, at least? (Apparently in my haze I managed to miss a meeting for a group project that was planned two days prior, but I'll let this slide for now.) So basically, I was determined to finish whatever I could on Saturday, before going back home on Sunday.

In that regard, I failed completely. When I woke up, it was already about 9:30 A.M., and within minutes I relapsed into a condition that typically has me thinking very, very badly and shutting myself in. I was mentally incapable of doing any work, and any attempts at doing so left me devastated. This rather strange, foreign episode continued in my room for the next several hours.

And then it was 7 P.M. The night was a complete shroud. So, what did I do next?

I played computer games and binged on Wawa. Yep, that's it. I put on a hoodie, some sneakers, and walked out of campus for the first time since September 3rd and into Wawa. I don't regret it (who would?). There's a certain peace walking alone down a long road at night that keeps your thoughts under control, compared to being stuck in the clutter of your own room.

But it turned out being much more comforting than I had expected. For a decent time I didn't have to worry about myself, knowing that I was indulging myself in the best way possible. Somehow I hadn't felt so relieved as I did playing mouse-click games and sipping on a Strawberry Banana smoothie in a long time. And I enjoyed it so much that I gave myself the Sunday off too! Then I just enjoyed a reunion at IHOP with my mother and sister without the weight of concerns.

Earlier in the semester, when I was glossing over the academic schedule, I questioned how I would at all benefit from having Fall Break. It's probably best not to jinx myself in that way again.