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What If

Have you ever thought about it?

Jenna Hess

Feb 18, 2018

Chattanooga, Tennessee

1059

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What if you loved me the same you did 2 years ago? What if I made you as happy as she does?What if I was as pretty as her? What if I was different? What if I changed who I was? What if you never met her, would you still be with me? What if you came back after I begged for you to? What if you loved me the same amount as I loved you? What if you cared like I did?

These thoughts have gone through my head multiply times. We have so many questions that will never be answered. All of these "What if" questions, will only be "What if". That's all they will ever be. Some questions, are not meant to be answered. Sometimes you don't even want the answer, cause you're to afraid to know the truth. I know I am afraid to know the truth. I don't want to know what went through your head when all of this went through mine.

What if you were still here? What if I listened and done everything right? What if I never met you? What if I didn't message you first?

Would it be different, if I knew the answers to all of these questions? More than likely, everything would still be the same. You still would have left, you still would have found her, you still would have fell in love with someone else. Not everything is a fairytale, hearts are sometimes meant to be broken. It makes you a more stronger person and it helps you develop as a person. Not everything goes as planned, but everything happens for a reason. That's what you said at least.

What if I listened to everyone when they said not to go for you? What if I left? What if I broke your heart?

What if

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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The craziest, funniest, and most unforgettable college memories are impossible to create without an amazing group of friends.

I'm fine. This is my natural face.

1. Strangers have told you "Smile!" on regular occasions

2. The first thing people say to you is "Are you okay?"

3. Dates have texted you asking if they bored you

4. Or, they tell you they don't want to go out again because you didn't seem interested

5. People question your level of comfort in any given situation

6. Friends have said, "When I first met you, I thought you didn't like me." and were totally serious about it

7. Jokes don't land well because people can't tell if you're serious or not

8. You've been told customer service isn't for you because you never smile

9. In fact, in your yearly review, your manager always writes to smile more under "room for improvement"

10. You hate when people have their cameras out taking candids

11. Even when you smile for a photograph it looks like either A) you're trying too hard or B) you're the Mona Lisa

12. Things can even get a little awkward when you smile

13. You regularly are told "I'm never sure how you feel about things"

14. You've scared strangers on the train/bus/sidewalk with your death glares-- even though they're unintentional and you're not really looking at them

15. Christmas and birthdays are hard because you have to figure out how to look like you're pleased with all your gifts even when you are

16. People frequently tell you you're intimidating

17. Friends stop inviting you to things because they think you don't like going

18. Your parents have RBF (it's definitely genetic. Thanks, Mom).

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2. Start a snowball fight

3. Build a fort

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4. Look out the window

5. Grab coffee with a friend

6. Complete school or office work

7. Sleep

8. Read a book

9. Bake cookies

10. Drink hot cocoa

11. Go ice skating

12. Take a Walk

"I don't want to do things. I want to not do things."

1. When you look at the syllabus and realize there are only three weeks of the semester left; even though the first day was LITERALLY yesterday.

2. You look at your grades and realize they probably aren't as high as they should be, which is a terrifying realization.

3. When you think to yourself at night, "tomorrow, I will wake up early and go to the library ALL day, and, hell, maybe after I'll go to the gym for a little bit, just to push myself that extra mile."

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6. When you realize you need to schedule a meeting with your adviser because you need to sign up for classes next semester. But you also realize that since you waited until the last minute, you're going to get stuck with all of the crappy classes.

7. When you low-key try to slip into conversation with your professors that you need extra credit because you're that desperate.

8. When it's already the third time you've seen your adviser in two days because you have no damn clue what you're doing and need all the help you can get.

9. When you apply for a job associated with your major even though you have no experience, but you just want to dive headfirst into the deep end of adulthood and get it over with.

The world is not always sunshine and rainbows, and you do not have to be, either.

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