I Hate You | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Relationships

I Hate You

I hate you, but my dear, I hate me more

28
I Hate You
Reasonable Dose

I've come to hate you the last few months. I think I've tried not to for a long time because I blamed myself for what happened. I tried to blame myself for everything for the last three months but I can't take all the blame for this. I'm mad at you. In fact I'm livid. I have all this rage just building in my spirit that has been churning for the last three months and no matter how I try to rationalize it, I'm still mad at you. But I hate that I'm mad at you. I hate even more that I'm not as mad as I should be.

I hate you. I hate how badly you hurt me. I hate how you broke my heart. I hate even more that I don't think you know how badly you hurt me. I hate that I can't tell you either. I have thought about picking up the phone so many times to call you and tell you I hate you but how good would that be? You wouldn't care even if I did. You were never going to care about me. You never had any want to care about me. But here's the thing, I cared about you in the short amount of time I knew you. Why you ask? That's an excellent question. When I figure out an answer I'll let you know.

Maybe I saw in you something different. Maybe you just showed me attention. That's a possibility. Why in hell I thought I had to have attention from you is beyond me though. I have plenty of people around me to show me attention if I want it. But your ass really flipped a switch in my head. I hate you for that. I hate you a lot actually.

I hate that you used me. I hate myself way more for the fact that I let you use me. You didn't twist my arm. I made conscious decisions every step of the way. I really hate myself for that. I wish I could just chock you up to "the good time I had one summer", but I don't think I really did have a good time. I think I just thought you were cool and I thought you were interesting. But really you're no more interesting than any other guy that's ever breezed into my life. I just wish to God I knew why I keep rationalizing in my head that you were.

I don't know. Maybe you were just different than anyone I've ever "hung out" with. Maybe that's what struck me. Who knows? All I know is I've spent the last three months trying to figure it out. I feel like an absolute fool for all of this. I really do. I'm so mad at myself about it I could scream. In fact I have screamed at myself quite a bit over your ass. I hate myself so much for giving you a second thought as I'm sure you never gave me one. But I have allowed you to take over my mind the last three months so much so that I can't even walk out my door without going into hysterics over possibly running into you.

I'll tell you this. You sir have made me absolutely crazy. I've met guys like you before. But you.... You really turned me upside down. My whole world was turned upside down over you and I really have no explanation as to why. I hate that. I hate you. I hate everything about this situation. But, I don't hate the fact that being hurt by you really opened my eyes to who I am as a young woman. I don't hate the fact that knowing you and having my heart broken by you lit a fire in me so hot and intense that I now have all this energy to do something great with my life. You my dear sir, have set fire to my heart and made me realize I am worth more than a fun time on a Friday night. You have made me realize a lot. Thank you for that. You suck.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Mays Island
Courtney Jones

Today I started my third week of college at Minnesota State Moorhead. I have survived welcome week, finding my classes on the first day, and being an awkward loner in the dining hall. Even though I have yet to be here for a month, I have already experienced many thoughts and problems that only a new college student can relate to.

Keep Reading...Show less
college

"Make sure to get involved when you're in college!"

We've all heard some variation of this phrase, whether it came from parents, other family members, friends, RAs, or college-related articles. And, like many clichés, it's true for the most part. Getting involved during your college years can help you make friends, build your resume, and feel connected to your campus. However, these commitments can get stressful if you're dealing with personal issues, need to work, or aren't sure how to balance classes and everything else going on during the semester.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

9 Reasons Why Friends Are Essential In College

College without friends is like peanut butter without jelly.

677
Bridgaline Liberati and friends
Bridgaline Liberati

In college, one of the essential things to have is friends. Yes, textbooks, a laptop, and other school supplies are important but friends are essential. Friends are that support system everybody needs. The more friends you have the better the support system you have. But you also have someone to share experiences with. And don’t settle for just one or two friends because 8 out of 10 times they are busy and you are studying all alone. Or they have other friend groups that do not include you. Don’t settle for just one or two friends; make as many friends as you can. After the first couple of weeks of college, most friend groups are set and you may be without friends.

Keep Reading...Show less
sneakers and heels
Sister | Brother Style - Word Press

For a moment your world is spinning. The phone alarm has just scared you awake and you’re flooded by daunting thoughts of the day ahead. You have three assignments due and little time to work on them because of your job. You’re running late because you’ve hit snooze one to many times after yesterday’s long hours. You dizzily reach for a hoodie, craving its comfort, and rush for a speedy exit, praying you will have time to pick up coffee. Does this sound familiar?

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

11 Signs You Live At The Library As Told by 'Parks And Recreation'

A few signs that you may live in the library whether you'd like to admit it or not.

464
brown wooden book shelves with books

Finals week is upon us. It is a magical time of year during which college students everywhere flock to the library in attempt to learn a semester's worth of knowledge in only a week. For some students, it's their first time in the library all semester, maybe ever. Others have slaved away many nights under the fluorescent lights, and are slightly annoyed to find their study space being invaded by amateurs. While these newbies wander aimlessly around the first floor, hopelessly trying to find a table, the OGs of the library are already on the third floor long tables deep into their studies. Here is a few signs that you may live in the library, whether you'd like to admit it or not.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments