I am an obsessive people pleaser with an immobilizing fear of people being mad at me. I go physically weak and feel sick to the depths of my stomach when someone is upset with me and I feel desperate to do whatever it takes to make them happy with me again. This is a BIG problem, because it is impossible to please everyone. We all have varying views and beliefs and can't always agree and when strong emotions get involved and people start judging others without really trying to understand and empathize with their view and experience, things get real messy. One of my "strengths" is restorative, which means that I feel I have to fix all problems that arise in a relationship and restore peace and harmony as soon as possible. This seems like a good quality, and it can be, but it has turned into a negative, harmful trait for me, because I feel it too deeply. For many years I have tried hard to never upset anyone, to never disappoint their opinion of me, to never cause a wave to ripple in the water of any of my relationships, whether I had met the person recently, or known them all my life. This worked okay, most of the time, though it was rather tiring but then several people I was close to started to disagree heavily with me on my beliefs and became seriously upset and sometimes angry with me for not agreeing with them. I was heartbroken and cried many tears but I could not give in and agree to do what they pressured me to do, because it went against who I was, it didn't feel right to me, and it went against God's plan for me. I wanted desperately to make them happy with me, but I could not, though many times I was horribly tempted to give in and try to be who they wanted me to be. This people pleasing trait has caused me extreme anxiety, grief, depression, and frustration and I am beginning to fully realize, that in order to have peace, to grow in self confidence and to stop being continually anxious, I HAVE to stop trying to please people who disagree with me, even if they are very close to my heart. I have to stop feeling like I am doing something wrong or bad or that I am bad, if I don't think, act and believe like they think I should. I have to stop letting what others believe about me stir up my world and make it muddy and confusing, because if I don't, I will never be able to have a healthy love for myself. As one of my dear friends said to me recently, "I know you, you will keep trying to make everyone happy, that's how you are. But if you keep trying to make them all happy, you will lose yourself in the process. Please don't let that happen." I felt very touched by her concern, I knew she was right and I felt a new level of conviction that this is a BIG problem and that I need to put this controlling, unhealthy habit in God's hands and surrender my desire for everyone to be happy with me and agree with me. I need to remember that we are all called to live like Jesus, and Jesus did and said things that made many people upset with Him, angry with Him, even hate Him and He was never doing anything wrong. Jesus shows us that there is so much more to life than just trying to please everyone. He shows us that it is essential that we act, believe, speak and live in a way that is true to our faith, true to ourselves and that follows God's Will, and that it is not essential to make others happy with us.
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Dear High School Friend Group,
My sweet angels, where would I be without you guys. We all grew up together because we either met in middle school or high school and watched each other grow up and get "old." We got to go to prom together and then graduate together. Then watched each other as we continued our lives in college, joining sororities and meeting people who will impact our lives forever. It all has happened so fast.
As much as I love every single one of you, it is not a secret that college and being apart has torn at our friendships a little. Each of us now have our own lives, new people to tell our secrets and gossip too and new people to do weird and goofy things with like we all used to. Things are getting harder in school as we come closer to figuring out what we want to do with our whole lives and that is a little scary. But anyway, we are busy, busy being successful women like we had always planned on doing.
Yes, this is all a little bittersweet. Maybe a little more saddening now that you're reading and realizing how much our lives have actually changed since graduating high school. But, I hope you understand by now that the change is OK! We may have drifted apart, but that is not the end of the world. I think it is important for us to keep in contact as much as possible because we have known each other our whole entire lives and know everything about each other to the tip of a needle. Those kinds of people deserve a spot in your life forever.
This is all becoming so clear to me as I approach the end of the first year of college. The friends I have made in college so far are wonderful and are people who have forever impacted my life and will be around hopefully my whole life. But something else that has come to me is how blessed I am to have you guys as well. Nobody, no matter how close you are to them, will get you like your friend group from high school does.
To my high school friend group, I will no longer call you guys my high school friend group, I will now refer to you as my best friends for life. Because congratulations, you have made it into the next chapter of my life and hopefully, more chapters to come. You all are more than just friends, you are family. I love you all more than you know.
Love,
Your Best Friend for Life
Oh college, we can’t live with you, but we can’t live without you. It’s a love/hate relationship, really. College is an experience that no one can ever prepare you for, and maybe that’s a good thing. You never really expect any of the things that college encompasses until you are there. College is fun, but don’t have too much fun. C’s get degrees, but they don’t get you into graduate school.
Here is College in Gifs.
Let's start with move-in day, aka Independence day (it is actually a pretty sad day):
Your parents might even ask you "are you sure this is where you belong?" As much as they might not admit it, they are scared too.
Your first day of classes:
While we all don't want to admit it, behind our brave faces, we are scared.
We are all scared of embarrassment or anything else there is to be scared of. The worst embarrassment ever is walking into the wrong classroom; it is horrible, especially if class has started. Plus, everyone knows that feel of using new school supplies.
All that walking:
Even small campuses seem huge when you leave even a minute later than normal to get to class.
Your first weekend on campus:
What you think you'll be doing:
What you are actually doing:
While many do party as much as they can, it isn't realistic to party every night of the week. You aren't always partying, especially near finals week.
Having so many food options within walking distance:
Some nights you'll feel like ramen, but most nights you will just take the walk to Chick-fil-a or Moe's and eat your little heart out. I mean hey, that's what a meal plan is for, right?
Also, food costs money, and balancing a job with college isn't for anyone, so some nights you would rather sleep through dinner than pay for it.
Finally, Final's Week/Homework all the time:
If you thought you wouldn't have any homework after high school, you are wrong. The difference between high school homework and college homework is that in college if you don't do your homework they don't call your parents, you just fail. Final's Week, you mean "Cry Every Night Week"?
In the end, you are bettering your life. You are ensuring that you have a great future, even if sometimes it is hard. College is an experience you never forget, but it's also a time of discovering who you are and who you want to be in the future. Think of all the people you know that went to college, I guarantee that they all miss their college days, and most of them wish that they could do it all over again. Love every second of college, because one day you are going to wish you took it more seriously or had more fun.
The "Gossip Girl" series may be over, but Blair Waldorf's iconic character lives in our hearts forever. Blair was the queen of the Upper East Side, and a character you either loved or hated. She taught us everything we needed to know about life, love and of course, how to score a Chuck Bass. So the next time you feel a bit lost and are in need of guidance, look no further than to the Queen B herself.
As I spend my Sunday avoiding my homework and other adult responsibilities, I realized that I've watched this series over and over about a million times. Sadly, there isn't a Blair quote I don't know, so I came up with a list of a few favorites. You know you love her...xoxo
Blair Waldorf never failed to let anyone and everyone know that she was in charge, and that wasn't changing anytime soon.
Because who needs a king when you're already the queen?
Not cocky, but most definitely confident. Nothing could ever stand between Waldorf woman and a goal.
Finals are coming up? Yup. Same, Blair!
An all-time favorite and a quote that I always find myself living by. Things are never as bad as one may think and could always be worse.
In a world full of Barney's and Bloomingdale's, this couldn't be closer to the truth. Retail therapy is always a must, and no one did that better than Blair Waldorf.
Considering the fact that I am a FIDM student, I figured this is the most appropriate and relatable Blair quote, and probably the deepest, too.
Blair is not one to be messed with. I always try to channel her boldness in all aspects of my life.
College is an endless cycle of crappy, sleepless nights, tedious, boring lectures, and hours of never-ending piles of homework.
"What the hell is going on?"
This thought is almost always paired with a confused look and a glance around the classroom to see if anyone else is as lost as I am. Professors jump from one subject to another and sometimes it's hard to even follow what they are talking about.
"I need to leave."
Let's be real. Students go to class because their grade depends on it. We really don't need to be sitting through a lecture of the same Powerpoint presentation that is online for us to see anyways. We are going to have to reteach ourselves the material come the day of the exam anyways.
"I hate all these people."
From my experiences, lots of the students in my classes are so annoying. Whether they won't shut up in class, they keep texting under their desk, they are snoring, or just being downright rude, people get on my nerves really quickly.
"I think I need a nap."
As I said before, college is not the perfect place for sleep. Whether you are up late because of a dorm party next door or thinking about how much work you have to do, you practically never get sleep. Naps are always a good idea especially when the majority of people are in class.
"I hate Mondays, and Tuesdays, and every day I have class."
Seriously, who likes the days we have to go to class? All we look forward to is the weekend where we can just relax and not think about school (at least for a little while).
"Another paper? Damn, why don't I just write a book!"
My college professors love giving us papers every day of class. It almost seems like writing a book would be so much easier than writing 10-page papers due every week for each subject.
"Don't call on me, don't call on me."
Teachers have a special eye for looking for students who do not want to participate in class. As much as I pray that I will not get called on, it usually always ends up happening. Seriously though, did the teacher see my hand up? No.
"I miss home."
It is undeniable that you will miss home at least once during your time in college. Whether it is your bedroom, your mother's cooking, or your shower, you will miss being at home.
"So much to do! 8 papers, 3 projects, 4 exams... Ugh, I don't even have time to eat, sleep, or breathe."
College is known for slamming students with homework up their eyeballs. It seems like you don't even have time to get all your work done, let alone eat, sleep or any other vital functions.
"I deserve a break!"
Whether it is a 5-minute cell phone break or a month-long holiday break, we deserve to take a break from all the stress and work we have to do.
Summer: a time (usually) free from school work and a time to relax with your friends and family. Maybe you go on a vacation or maybe you work all summer, but the time off really does help. When you're in college you become super close with so many people it's hard to think that you won't see many of them for three months. But, then you get that text saying, "Hey, clear your schedule next weekend, I'm coming up" and you begin to flip out. Here are the emotions you go through as your best friend makes her trip to your house.
Excitement
It's actually happening!!! Your partner in crime decided to come to town and you could not be happier. You begin to think of all the places you're going to take her and where you're going to eat. You maybe even deicide there's just too many things and not enough time, so eating two dinners, just because, sounds like a real possibility.
Anxiety
Now you have to wait. Maybe she's driving in from a few hours away or maybe she lives across the country. Is she going to get lost? Did her flight get delayed? The suspense is literally killing you. Regardless, you're sitting in your room waiting for your phone to light up saying she just got in.
Relief
She's pulling into your driveway! Your better half is finally here and you nearly bust your a** running down your steps. It's surreal, but now you get to hit the town with your bestie. This is the best day of your life!! (not really but it feels pretty close).
Excitement (again)
Now the fun begins. You eat at all your favorite restaurants, watch movies with your family and just catch up on all that you've missed (even though you've texted every day since you left campus). You introduce her to your friends from home and your brother begins to think that you're actually connected at the hip.
Sadness
And just like that, your perfect bubble is popped and it's time to go back to the real world. Your buddy has to go home and you couldn't be more upset. Thank God for FaceTime because that's all you'll be doing until the fall when you're back together.
