There are so many things I wish I could say to you. There are so many questions in my head that I wish I could ask, but honestly don't want to know the answers to. I wonder how you can still smile at me knowing that I'm hurting inside because of you. I wonder how you can act as if everything is fine when you know it's not. I don't know if I should blame you for making me fall for you, or blame myself for not protecting my heart. Regardless, it happened, and I'm dealing with it but everyday is different. There are days where I want to hug you and tell you I miss you, and then there are days I wish I could block you from my phone- but I don't have the strength to do either of those things. Reality is, I don't hate you. I just hate that I kind of love you.
I don't know what I hate more though: the fact that I want to talk to you, or the fact that I don't. It's as if my mind is in a constant battle with itself. The devil is telling me to let you in, but the angel is telling me to walk away. Some days I wake up confident that I'm going to forget about you, but that changes as soon as your name pops up on my phone. I tell myself that I'm strong enough to walk away, but I also tell myself that I don't want to. I hate that you make me feel this way, and myself for allowing it.
I hate that you have this control over me- almost as if you know my every move. It's almost like you know when I'm ready to move on, and that's when you pull me back in. Every time I take a step forward, you make me take three back. It always comes back to you, no matter what. You hurt me, and I forgive you over and over again, and I hate it.
I hate that you don't see what you do to me, and I hate that it's because I'm scared to let you. I hate that I'm scared to tell you how I feel because you'll walk way, even though I know that is what's best for me. I hide my feelings often to spare yours, and I lie to you when you ask me what's wrong because I don't know how to tell you how I feel. When you're not around, it's much easier to think. But when you're right in front of me, it all fades away like it was never there to begin with. I hate that, so much.
I hate that you make me laugh, and I hate that you make me cry. But I hate it even more that you probably don't even know I've cried. I hate that I fake a smile and pretend everything is okay when it's not, but I do it for you. In fact I do so much for you, but you don't notice. You don't notice because I'm a second prioroity, and I hate that I'm somehow okay with that.
I hate that you're going to read this, and I hate that it's not going to change a thing. Because despite my efforts, I'll never be able to have you how I want you. I really hate that I have to write about you to make myself feel better, and I hate that it works. I hate that it took me saying all of this to realize that I finally figured out what I want to do, and I hate that I have to do it.
I hate that I have to walk away. I hate that it's so unfair what you did, but I hate that I'm not mad at you for it, either. I hate that you know how you feel about me, but you do nothing about it. I hate that you make me so happy and I hate that I have to let that go. I hate that I'm going to miss you and I hate that I have too. But more than anything, I hate that I don't hate you. I hate that I don't "kinda" love you. I hate that I love you, and I hate that you don't know that.
Recommended for you
1. Reality Television Shows
The Kardashian/ Jenner family is praised for the enormous amount of reality television series that are produced surrounding their lives. Viewers seem to crave new television shows behind the intriguing Kardashian/ Jenner bunch, considering the Kardashian clan has been featured in approximately 12 television series. Regardless of how many haters this family may have, their shows have shown tremendous success. Their most famous series documenting the family's life since 2007, Keeping Up With The Kardashians(KUWTK), premieres on E! Network. Season 13 of KUWTK is said to premiere March 12th at 9 p.m. on E!, so stay tuned!
2. Fashion and Beauty Gurus
Nineteen-year-old Kylie Jenner is hands-down known to be one of the most successful beauty gurus. Kylie Cosmetics, launched in 2016, has shown an insane amount of success. Kylie Lip Kits are known to sell out within minutes of being launched onto her website. Fans follow Kylie's business closely, with her accustoming her new lines and colors to what the customers desire. This is one of Kylie's many smart business tactics, pleasing the customers, in turn, gains Kylie more revenue for her business. Along with beauty success, the three Kardashian sisters, Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe, have created their fashion boutique DASH. When the boutique first opened it struggled. However, the sisters rose it immensely, with the store being extremely successful to this day with three locations in West Hollywood, Miami Beach, and the SoHo District in New York City. KENDALL+KYLIE is also another successful fashion line with clothes being sold in popular stores like Pac Sun, Neiman Marcus, and Top Shop. Their lines are also shown in many fashion shows, boosting their credibility in the fashion world.
3. Apps
Kim Kardashian's game app is said to have brought in over $100 million since it's launch in 2014. The app is free to download, however, players can purchase "extras" in the game which is where most of the revenue derives from. Kim constantly keeps the game up-to-date which is an intelligent business tactic because it keeps players intrigued, and feeling as if they're living the true Kardashian life. After the extreme success of Kim's game app, each sister created their personal apps that can be downloaded in the iTunes store for a $2.99 monthly subscription fee. Each sister's app emphasizes their expertise in the fashion, beauty, travel, and fitness worlds.
4. Social Media Tactics
The Kardashian/ Jenner family has accumulated over approximately 404.7 million followers on Instagram and over approximately 154.93 million followers on Twitter. These business moguls thrive off social media techniques in building their business empire - which is smart. These sisters make thousands of dollars for one promotional tweet or Instagram post. Constantly updating their accounts keeps fans intrigued and up-to-date on their latest products/ endeavors.
5. Method Behind Parasocial Interaction
Parasocial interaction (PSI) is a communication technique where celebrities endorse themselves, and fans feel a connection of some kind to that specific celebrity. PSI is promoted in the Kardashian/ Jenner family because they endorse themselves on their social media accounts so well that fans begin to feel a connection with this family. This makes it easier for the Kardashian/ Jenners to promote their products and businesses in a not-so-pushy way.
6. Failed Endeavors
Failure is the first step to success. Although this family is praised for their unimaginable success, they have failed plenty along their way to fame. Talkshows, books and fashion lines haven't made the revenue expected and haters constantly attempt to tear down this family's fame, however, the Kardashian/ Jenner family still stands strong. In the end, they are true business moguls, entrepreneurs, and content creators who have created an insane empire.
7. Net Worth
The Kardashian/ Jenner family is stated to have a net worth of over approximately $300 million. Kim leads the family with her net worth accounting for over $100 million with the littlest sister, Kylie Jenner, creeping up the ladder. Numbers don't lie. These sisters truly have built an enormous business empire.
1. When you see each other after a hiatus it is like no time has passed.
Regardless of what you may have gone through, nothing can change the banter and personal communication you and your friends share. Nothing feels awkward or forced because you are having too much fun catching up!
2. You plan your outings around each other's schedules.
Your friend's work schedules or class schedules are memorized like the back of your hand. They are your priority, and you will do anything you can to get them to join you on adventures when it is convenient to do so.
3. You say 'I love you' on the phone.
Yes, you may say it in real life too, but saying it after a phone call means it has become a customary for you to validate your appreciate for one other. Like a significant other or family member, you feel the desire to express your love at the end of a conversation.
4. Nothing is boring when you are together.
No matter what you do together, you always have a good time. Why? Because your friends' company is all you need. With the right people, you can make any situation memorable.
5. You share weird inside jokes no one else understands.
And you would like to keep it that way. If you are anything like my friend group, we share a strange family dynamic that has lasted as a running joke forever. No matter what it is, your inside jokes and sly smirks will keep the spirits up for ages.
6. You plan to hang out for a couple hours but end up together the entire day.
So now you just expect it and prepare for a 24-hour long get-together. Naps are often a part of the agenda.
7. The hugs say a thousand words.
Perhaps you do it a little too much, but the hugs you share are always meaningful and comforting. Gotta love those group hugs especially!
8. You go on spontaneous adventures together.
It is where your favorite memories come from. Even though you might not be able to do them as much as you would like, you are always down for a trip, big or small, with the group.
9. You consider each other family.
Because you consider each other family, you treat each other like family. Constant love, constant support, and a tremendous amount of meals spent together.
10. They make you a better person.
It is not a special friend group unless you learn from one another. You had to be selective when choosing your friends and when you did, you felt like they could teach you a thing or two. Their actions influence who you are and you could not be more thankful.
11. You can't imagine life without them.
The very thought scares you and sends your heart racing. Thankfully, the ultimate friend group is right there with you so you never have to second-guess their loyalty. Instead, you can bask in the glory that is your ultimate friend group. #squadgoals.
1. No school = no stress.
There are no essays to write, no books to read, and no deadlines to meet. The only worry in the world is keeping track of putting sunblock on.
2. Country music is more fun to listen to.
All true fans will listen to country music 365 days a year, but we all know that it's so much better in the summer when you can roll down the windows.
3. Your skin looks and feels better.
Even if you don't have the type of skin that tans, there is more color there than in the winter ... maybe. Freckles, tan lines, peeling burns and clear skin make for a happier camper. You'll forget all about the ghost version of yourself that was shedding dry skin like a snake over the winter.
4. Being barefoot 24/7 is an option.
Obviously wearing no shoes in the middle of a blizzard isn't acceptable. You know what is, though? Wearing no shoes in the summer ever because why not?
5. Ice cream is an acceptable snack.
For people like me who can't resist ice cream even on a 10 degree day, summer is a giant ice cream blessing. Not only does it taste like heaven, it's actually refreshing.
6. Minimal clothing is required.
Is there anything worse than having to put on layers in the wintertime only to sweat to death the minute you come back inside? No need for more than a tank top and shorts in the summertime.
7. Going to the beach daily isn't weird.
Now that it's hot, it's beach season. If you live near the ocean there is an excuse to drive there day or night, rain or shine. Staying there all day is an option for those who don't burn, and for those who do, you can always come back at night for a bonfire.
8. Cookouts.
Even when they lead to disaster, summertime cookouts are the best. Nothing completes a cookout more than watermelon and corn on the cob.
9. Night swimming.
Oh the thrill of jumping in freezing cold water in the middle of the night. Good thing the air becomes colder than the water, making the pool like a giant bathtub.
10. Spontaneous adventures.
Summertime gives you the freedom to wake up in the morning and decide to do something totally out of the blue that you've never done before. Hiking to a waterfall, rock climbing, going to a museum, or even road tripping are all great summer options.
Even if the heat isn't really your thing, it's undeniable to admit that life really is better in the summer. There's so much more free time, opportunity, excitement and sunshine. Only four months to go!
Trending Topics
Trending Stories
Best of Relationships
![12 Things To Do On A Snow Day]()
![a room with boxes and a window]()
