This week I read an article promoting the idea that the biblical notion of abstinence is outdated and oppressive. The writer stated that we should not abstain from pre-marital sex just because our parents, friends, pastors, etc. tell us it's the right thing to do. I am not one to do anything just because someone told me to.
However, while the Bible was written quite long ago, abstinence was not an enforced standard for purely cultural reasons. By the writer's same notion you could say that it's also outdated to murder, cheat, and steal. We don't resist sexual temptation because it's what they did in biblical times. And contrary to what the writer of the other article stated, your body is not yours and yours alone.
In fact, in biblical times it was often the case that they DID have sex outside of marriage in some spheres, and this is even included in the Bible, which is one of the reasons the article really rubbed me the wrong way.
Why we wait.
My boyfriend and I read a devotional book that covers this exact query in great detail and is very eye opening. We don't wait as a way of oppressing women or shaming others. We don't even wait to try to hold ourselves back from anything. It isn't some kind of faith test, it's for the good of your relationship.
Having sex before you're married can be detrimental to your ability to have actual intimacy with someone when you are married. Pre-marriage you're trying to know each other deeply in so many ways, and if your relationship becomes ultimately physical, it makes you feel so close, but the reality is that you aren't becoming close in the ways that you need to be, and this will translate into the marriage you hope to have.
Don't hear what I'm not saying.
It isn't like God disapproves of your sexuality. He designed you in this way, sexuality included. After all, it was not the Devil who created sex.
As broken people, we are prone to abusing the gifts God has given us which, in this case, has become terribly commonplace whether it be premarital sex or porn or human trafficking, etc. Matt Chandler words it in multiple ways with which I can't compete.
"Before we make the vow before God, we don't want to derail the good pleasure God has assigned for us. We don't want to get in his way. He's leading us toward a greater reality than sexual gratification, wooing us into what will be best for our joy and for his glory."
I don't know the person who wrote "Why Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex Is Unrealistic And Flawed," but I know that some of their statements were skewed or incorrect, and it did not feel right to just leave them there. There are so many culturally accepted ways in which people use God's gift of sex so harmfully towards themselves and towards others.
In my opinion, it is just as harmful to give into whatever sexual temptation affects you as it is to shame people for their sexuality whether it be in the form of body shaming or rebuking someone for their sexual orientation or history. There is no way for you to avoid living in this broken world and no one is more sinful than you are, and while you live here it is your direct calling to love people in a way that shows them the love of Christ, no ifs ands, or buts.
