In my 21 years of life, I’ve had my fair share of relationships, friendships, heartbreak and love. I’ve learned a lot about people and, more importantly, about myself. Some lessons were easier than others, that’s for damn sure. But there is one lesson, although the most difficult, that was the most important for me to learn. It’s something that everybody has to learn eventually in a world where relationships and happiness are two main priorities and it can absolutely change the way that you look at life.

Are you ready for it?

The biggest thing that I’ve learned this far, is that you can’t let anybody tell you what your heart wants or what is going to make you happy.

Now, some people are probably thinking, why is that so difficult to learn? Of course nobody can tell you what you want, they aren’t mind readers! If you’re thinking that, you’re right. This shouldn’t be something that anyone has to learn, but I know that I’m not the only one that needed it.

When things are hard, especially in relationships, who do we turn to? Our family, friends and people whose opinions we trust and advice we value. I’m not saying this is bad or wrong, it’s absolutely not. But it is important to remember that even though those people can help you see another side, they can give you advice for handling sticky situations and they can even tell you upright their blunt opinions about your personal situations–they shouldn’t control your own decisions for your life and your happiness. Sometimes these people say the exact things you need to hear. And thank God for those moments when they can show you the light. Other times however, they are unable to see exactly why you’re struggling with your decision in the first place. By offering their help, they can unknowingly force you into a decision that you weren’t prepared for and are unhappy with, leaving you with regret and people to blame. It is so important that when it is all said and done, you are able to put every other opinion you’ve heard aside and make the decision that you know in your heart will make you happy, for you.

I am notorious for being indecisive and a people-pleaser. I find myself in situations all the time where I’m questioning my own judgement and relationships in order to make the right decision that will please everyone else in my life. However, I learned the hard way that if you allow somebody else to tell you what you want, you will never really be happy. Maybe you will end up making the wrong decision and maybe you’ll end up hurt, but you will have made the decision based on what you truly wanted, and I promise you will be okay if it doesn’t end up the way you hoped. Learning to trust your heart is empowering, and so important for being able to find your true happiness. And the right people will help you pick up the pieces when you’re down and contribute to your happiness when you’re up, regardless of the decision that you make.

I’m not telling you to ignore the people you care about, because they often are able to shed light on a situation that you may not have been about to see for yourself. But I am saying that it is your life, your relationships, and your happiness at stake. Don’t you owe yourself the responsibility of making the choices that are the best for you?