Why Is It Hard To Make Female Friends? | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Relationships

Why Is It Hard To Make Female Friends?

There's a lot more to this question than what meets the eye.

18913
A group of the women smiling with their arms linked

When I was a little girl, I had tons of friends, both boys and girls. But, as I grew up, finding female friends became much harder.

I'm aware that it's not just me. Finding good female friends is something almost every woman has struggled with at some point in time. It's so easy for us to relate on a surface level, but extremely hard to connect deep down. Why does that happen?

People have often declared patriarchy as the reason behind the lack of female friendships. While patriarchy-induced competition is certainly one reason, there are also many others that are usually never mentioned. So I've provided 7 of my reasons for why it is hard to make female friends.

1. Conformity

two woman sitting near table using Samsung laptopPhoto by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Being a female often comes with a lot of labels. Clique culture in schools and universities often demands that you become a certain "type" of girl. Many times, not confirming to these molds is the equivalent to not having many female friends.

2. Ideological Differences

white ceramic mug on table that says everyone is entitled to my opinionPhoto by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

Our societies have become more polarized than ever. Political opinions and ideological differences tear people apart today more than ever before. No matter what side of the political spectrum you may be on (or apolitical), this is a big reason for the lack of female friends.

3. Insecurity

woman in black shirt standing near window blindsPhoto by Nate Neelson on Unsplash

It's a very sad but well known truth that girls bring each other down more often than boys do. As a woman, myself, this has happened to me so many times that I've just stopped counting.

Social psychologists say that this happens because women have a higher tendency towards insecurity, which leads them to turn on each other in order to make themselves feel better. In the age of social media and external validation, this issue is even more rampant.

4. Lack of Pastimes

woman in white tank top lying on bed with woman in black and white striped shirtPhoto by Sinitta Leunen on Unsplash

Now, this is a very funny one. A lot of my interactions with girls have been regarding makeup, looks, celebrities or men. Hanging out with them often meant gossiping or clubbing. And these days, when we meet up with our friends, we don't really spend time with them, do we? We're on our phones most of the time, if not all.

While these activities can be fun, they don't actually lead to deeper friendships. When it comes to topics for thought provoking discussions, hobbies, future plans, career goals and passion projects are good places to get started. Being there for your girl gang and experiencing things together by sharing vulnerable moments will do wonders for deepening your friendship. And, for heavens sake, get off the phone when you're with the girls and actually talk to them!

5. 'You Do You' Culture

selective focus photography of jolly woman using peace hand gesturePhoto by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

These days people are hyper sensitive to any form of feedback. Every woman is unique, and she should be given the freedom to make choices that benefit her life. But, at the same time, it's important to let her know of the consequences so that she can make better and more informed choices.

Encouragement is important and necessary, but not for mistakes. The liberty to express concern and criticism is essential for a strong friendship. A good friend stops her friends from making harmful choices. When every selfish action of a woman is glorified with zero push back, it doesn't leave her with many caring friends.

6. Toxic Femininity

woman whispering on woman's ear while hands on lipsPhoto by Ben White on Unsplash

This might be one of the biggest reasons behind the difficulties of finding female friends. Toxic femininity is shown in the form of harsh judgment, damaging gossip, bullying and toxic drama. It can also occur in the form of emotional manipulation and virgin/slut shaming.

Most girls have experienced some kind of toxic femininity at the hands of another girl at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, such incidents often traumatize women and prevent them from making friends with each other not only at the moment, but also in the future.

7. Patriarchy

woman holding white paper with smash the patriarchyPhoto by chloe s. on Unsplash

Even though there are plenty of other reasons for the shortage of friendships among women, we'd be foolish to ignore the influence of patriarchy on female social dynamics. For a long time, women were constantly expected to be quiet and feminine without showing any form of aggression.

Even today, women are expected to compete with men and each other but without proper outlets to channel the turbulent side of their femininity. This has led to many women taking their frustrations out on each other, thereby preventing female friendships.

Report this Content
Student Life

28 Daily Thoughts of College Students

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

135
group of people sitting on bench near trees duting daytime

I know every college student has daily thoughts throughout their day. Whether you're walking on campus or attending class, we always have thoughts running a mile a minute through our heads. We may be wondering why we even showed up to class because we'd rather be sleeping, or when the professor announces that we have a test and you have an immediate panic attack.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Great Christmas Movie Debate

"A Christmas Story" is the star on top of the tree.

1442
The Great Christmas Movie Debate
Mental Floss

One staple of the Christmas season is sitting around the television watching a Christmas movie with family and friends. But of the seemingly hundreds of movies, which one is the star on the tree? Some share stories of Santa to children ("Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"), others want to spread the Christmas joy to adults ("It's a Wonderful Life"), and a select few are made to get laughs ("Elf"). All good movies, but merely ornaments on the Christmas tree of the best movies. What tops the tree is a movie that bridges the gap between these three movies, and makes it a great watch for anyone who chooses to watch it. Enter the timeless Christmas classic, "A Christmas Story." Created in 1983, this movie holds the tradition of capturing both young and old eyes for 24 straight hours on its Christmas Day marathon. It gets the most coverage out of all holiday movies, but the sheer amount of times it's on television does not make it the greatest. Why is it,
then? A Christmas Story does not try to tell the tale of a Christmas miracle or use Christmas magic to move the story. What it does do though is tell the real story of Christmas. It is relatable and brings out the unmatched excitement of children on Christmas in everyone who watches. Every one becomes a child again when they watch "A Christmas Story."

Keep Reading...Show less
student thinking about finals in library
StableDiffusion

As this semester wraps up, students can’t help but be stressed about finals. After all, our GPAs depends on these grades! What student isn’t worrying about their finals right now? It’s “goodbye social life, hello library” time from now until the end of finals week.

1. Finals are weeks away, I’m sure I’ll be ready for them when they come.

Keep Reading...Show less
Christmas tree
Librarian Lavender

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Christmas is one of my personal favorite holidays because of the Christmas traditions my family upholds generation after generation. After talking to a few of my friends at college, I realized that a lot of them don't really have "Christmas traditions" in their family, and I want to help change that. Here's a list of Christmas traditions that my family does, and anyone can incorporate into their family as well!

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

The 5 Phases Of Finals

May the odds be ever in your favor.

2318
Does anybody know how to study
Gurl.com

It’s here; that time of year when college students turn into preschoolers again. We cry for our mothers, eat everything in sight, and whine when we don’t get our way. It’s finals, the dreaded time of the semester when we all realize we should have been paying attention in class instead of literally doing anything else but that. Everyone has to take them, and yes, unfortunately, they are inevitable. But just because they are here and inevitable does not mean they’re peaches and cream and full of rainbows. Surviving them is a must, and the following five phases are a reality for all majors from business to art, nursing to history.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments