It's hard to be happy for you.

It's hard to look at the two of you and feel good. I know that look on his face, the one he has when he looks into your eyes. I know that look because he used to look at me that way, but it was different for us. When he gave me that look it wasn't a happy feeling I got. I’m sure in that moment you were thrilled and joyful.

But I felt confused. I never understood what he was thinking, I never understood him. He lied, cheated, and hurt me. And some of those times he hurt me with you.

I remember the day he asked you to go out next time you were in town. I remember your reply.

"Wait, are you not still dating her?"

I don't know what happen next between the two of you but I know what happened between him and me that day. I know the feeling of betrayal I was left with. I remember him making up more lies to cover his mistakes from asking you out. I remember it all too well.

So I guess you'd get why it's hard for me to be happy for you.

I should have told him right there that day in the parking lot while he made excuses for those texts; I should have told him to go ahead and take you out. I would have saved myself from the pain that was still to come.

More lies, bigger lies. I was made out to look like a crazy person, while he played his mind games oh so well. Boy was I stuck to this guy like glue. It didn't matter what he lied about, who he talked to behind my back, or the countless nights of crying, I stayed in that toxic relationship. Just trying to make it all work.

But maybe that’s why it’s hard to be happy for you.

One night it all came crashing down. One more lie was revealed and you could say I exploded. That was the last straw for me, and my reaction to that lie was the last straw for him.

I’m not going to say it was his entire fault. I made mistakes too. I caused trust issues, and I wasn’t perfect. But I was always transparent with my feelings, my commitment, my loyalty, and my love.

So maybe that’s why it’s hard to be happy for you.

It's bittersweet.

The hurt I'm left with as he now moves on to marry you.

The thankfulness I have to be free from a relationship I couldn’t get away from.

The bitterness in my heart that God has given him yet another relationship, while I still pick up the pieces from ours.

The peacefulness I have with how my life has changed for the better.

For you I hope it's different. I hope you met a better man than I did. I hope it all works out for you.

It may be hard, but I’m happy for you.