It's your 27th birthday and every year I wish I was with you to celebrate it. I wish I could go back in time to be with you. To look up from basketball practice again, see you walking through the door in your uniform and run into your arms. I want to play "what's on your shirt" so I can say "made ya look" a million times a day again. I want our family parties to be normal and for there not to be a hole. I want to FaceTime you while you're in McDonald's on a random night. I want to wrestle and show you how strong I am. I want to tell you how jealous I am that you met Derek Jeter. I want to hear your laugh. Losing you was one of the hardest things I have ever and probably will ever go through. I hope your birthday is amazing up there - (you have Sadie so I know it will be). I love and miss you so much Dwayne. Happy birthday, my hero.
Losing someone is an awful thing to go through for anyone. When the anniversary of their death or their birthday pops up, things tend to be more emotional. So to everyone who has lost someone and you might be extra emotional, keep these three things in mind:
Always know that they are with you - when people use to tell me this I would roll my eyes. It doesn't make the pain go away but now I truly know that they are always with you. I believe in signs and I believe in mediums. My friends, family and I have had experiences with mediums and signs. I know it's true. I know that they are always looking down on you. Please keep this in your mind, it helps.
It's okay to cry - It's been three years since I lost my cousin. I have lost people before and after that. Each death is different, each death hurts and life goes on. It's hard to think life goes on without some of the most important people you love. Sometimes you hear a song, or smell something that triggers emotions and you need to cry. It's okay to cry no matter what - if it's been two months or ten years. You will have those days that you need to let out a good cry because missing someone is becoming too much. Don't be embarrassed, don't think you're weak. It happens to everyone. Your angel(s) will probably be shedding a tear too.
It's okay to be happy - The day after my cousin passed, my whole family went to my uncle's house. It was painful, very painful. But it was nice to be surrounded by my family. After that I got dropped off at my friend's house for a bonfire. I laughed after crying for 24 hours and I felt guilty. How could I be happy right now when myself and so many people I love are heartbroken? How could I be smiling when my cousin is gone? I felt awful for laughing. Later on I soon realized that it's okay to be happy. Obviously your angel(s) are going to want you to be as happy as possible throughout your life. They wouldn't want us to feel guilty for being happy.
The pain never goes away, you just learn how to live with it. It's a difficult thing we all go through in this crazy life time. How one can just be taken from us. If death has taught me anything, it's to appreciate everyone you love. Tell them you love them as much as possible. Spend time with them. Make memories, take pictures and don't hold on to stupid little grudges. You truly never know what tomorrow may bring.
Happy birthday Dwayne. I am blessed to have a guardian angel like you. I love you so much.
