Recently, I’ve been dumped. Literally dumped. Out of the blue. Not much explanation and no chance to fix anything were given to me. I was dumped by a person who I fell completely in love with over the course of two years, three months and some odd days. I’d given my life to them. That’s what happens when you’re in love with someone. You dedicate all of your time and devotion to them, you focus on their feelings and happiness. You sacrifice things that make them upset and that’s okay. The feeling of falling in love is complete bliss. You let your happiness fall completely into their hands. You learn them in their entirety; not just their favorite color or their favorite song or the story about the first time they went to a football game. You’ll learn that little freckle on the end of their nose, the face they make when they concentrate too hard. You’ll love all of it. You’ll be there for them at the best times and the worst times. You’ll get sad when their focus has to shift away from the “us” for a little bit, but once it gets back you’ll know there is nothing to be afraid of. That’s the good part. The great part.

When things go bad you’ll find every excuse in the book for them. You’ll make up reasons to your friends as to why they don’t come around. You’ll forgive them countless amounts of times for doing things they know hurts you. If you asked me if that was normal and healthy when I was in my relationship I would say yes that’s just what love is. If you were to ask me now, I’d tell you that that’s absolutely crazy and to abort mission ASAP.

But I didn’t see how crazy it was from the outside looking in. I stuck around until the end. I let someone take advantage of me. I lost some of my friends and gained a few new ones through my significant other who would only end up leaving me in the end too. I fell in love with someone who wasn’t ready to sacrifice things to be with me, the same things I sacrificed to be with them. And in the end, I didn’t see the signs that were apparent to them. I tried so hard to hang on to someone who didn’t want me.

It takes a while to get used to, being single, especially for people like me. I think I have some sort of disease because even after people rip my heart out and take a poo on it I keep trying to do things for them and help them out. Which is what I did after they ended things with me and it only makes me look back now and feel like an idiot, but deep down, I know I’m a good person. Getting over a breakup is hard. You tell yourself you don’t care and that could be true after a bit, but sometimes it still hits you, I won’t lie.

But about a month after everything was said and done, I was okay. I was actually way more than okay. I was so happy. I am so happy. I realized how much more I deserved. I realized that what we had was once great. Yes it once was and that can’t just be erased like a picture on instagram or messages in a phone. But it wasn’t anymore. I know that I deserve someone who is willing to compromise and work as hard for a relationship as I do. I deserve someone who will be there when times get tough and when things come up and who will be there for me when I’m a crazy mess crying at 1:30am because my classes are hard and I’m scared I’ll fail and won’t ever get a well paying job and won’t be able to afford five puppies once I get out of school. Someone who won’t get mad at me that I’m a blanket hog and that sometimes I get a little mean in my sleep. I deserve someone who wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with them.

And that. When you finally recognize what you deserve. That is right before you realize the most beautiful part of a breakup. That although it was so hard to let go and move on from a person who you were once completely and utterly in love with, you’ll get to do that again with someone else one day. You get to have the butterflies before a first date, first kiss, first time meeting their family. Everything. You’ll get to learn their deepest darkest secrets and insecurities and the hearty laugh that comes from their belly when you say a corny joke and you’ll fall in love with all of the things you never thought you could love about a person. And if you’re lucky, that person might just be your person.For life.

So to the people and friends who left me in the end, I have a few things to say:

I am still here. No matter how much you want to pretend I don’t exist, I do. I’m here and quite frankly I did nothing wrong and I won’t be going anywhere.

Grow the hell up. Stop ganging up on people like we’re on the playground, stop acting weird when I see you in public, it’s okay to talk to me, I promise you, you aren’t breaking any rules. Stop making me the odd man out because your friend dumped me. I don't care and neither should you.

It hurts knowing that you can just drop me like a hot potato even after I try and try to make things not weird.

To the person who broke my heart:

Again, I am still here. You can’t erase me. As hard as you try to, you can’t. Sure you can take down all of our pictures, you can stop talking to me but I know everything about you and you know everything about me. We talked everyday for almost two and a half years, don’t pretend like we weren’t apart of each other.

You did this. Not me, so stop being angry at me. I am the same person I was two and a half years ago when you met me, and two months ago when you broke up with me. I never changed and I didn’t do anything wrong.

If you’re angry that I wrote this after we promised each other we wouldn’t bash each other if we ever broke up. You did everything you said you wouldn’t after you left. You purposefully did things to hurt me. So I’m sorry that I’m not actually sorry at all.

Thank you for the fun times, the memories, the laughs. Everything. I will never forget them. But most importantly, thank you for showing me what I want and deserve in any of my future relationships.

I hope that one day you are ready to give yourself whole-heartedly to someone. I hope that you stop caring what other people think, I hope you don’t ask your friends on relationship advice when they aren’t in the one you’re in, and I hope that one day you can find someone that will make you so happy. You know I want the best for you. You know I want you to be happy. You know I wanted to be your friend. But I can’t keep trying in a friendship that is one sided. But I hope you find yourself and happiness and maybe one day, we can be friends.

P.s. My dog is doing great. Thanks for asking.