It is no secret that in a time of high stress there are many who suffer from depression and anxiety. The weight that binds them in their own heart and soul carries with them a burden of hopelessness, but what about those who stand by them? Those who would do anything to take their pain away?

I am no stranger to depression and anxiety. I have lived with it in my life for as long as I can remember. The dark days as a child that covered my optimistic spirit were blanketed by gloom everywhere. The only thing is, it wasn’t me who was depressed.

Spending a lifetime with someone I love who suffers from anxiety and depression, which conflicts with my optimistic world, has been very trying to say the least. Now that I have grown, I find myself in the same situation with those closest to me. The question is, how can one live a life of happiness when those around them can only see the dark?

I wake up each day ready to face the world with a smile. As I drink my morning coffee and make plans for my day it becomes evident very quickly that those around me have other plans. Their bad moods set the stage for the rest of my day.

After being raised by a mother who suffers from clinical depression, I never thought my adult life would be filled with the same. Now I find myself living a husband and two of my children who are suffering from both anxiety and depression.

I was born with a God given gift of optimism. No matter what the situation, I can always find hope in it, and Lord knows I have had a lot of trials in my lifetime. Even with those trials, I have always been able to pull myself up rather quickly. I am beyond grateful for this gift, but sometimes feel guilty for it. How can I be so happy, when those around me are so sad?

Being happy isn't something I should feel guilty about or be something I feel I need to hide to shelter those I love from feeling worse. It isn’t something that should be squashed by those who cannot find happiness of their own. How do I remain the person I am without being overshadowed by the gloom that surrounds me?

Living with someone suffering from depression can be taxing, to say the least. It is important to remember that you need to take care of yourself so that you can help the ones suffering with depression. Allowing yourself to be happy is so important in self-care.

I have had a bit of a bumpy ride on the journey of living with someone who suffers from depression. It has taken me a while to realize that it isn’t my responsibility to make sure they are happy. Here are a few tips I have learned and am still learning that can hopefully help:

1. You can’t “fix” someone with depression.

As a wife, mother, and grandmother, nurturing others is at the heart of who I am. I love making people happy, but even more, it kills me to see someone so unhappy. I have spent a lot of my time trying to lighten the load of those with depression in my home. What I have ended up doing instead is making them feel guilty for not being able to be happy. I need to remember that I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist. I can’t fix them. The best I can do is listen to them and give them support.

2. Don’t let their negativity drain your happiness.

Being a natural born optimist, it is incredibly difficult for me to be surrounded by constant negativity. I love being able to see the good around me and I love sharing it with others even more. This becomes difficult when those around me squash any attempts at me trying to brighten the world around us. Instead, they poke holes in my attempts and always point out the negative in what I say. It is important to make sure you have other people in your life you can share your optimism and positivity with. Make sure you spend time with them!

3. Enabling them will not do either of you any good.

There is a fine line between being supportive and enabling. According to Elevation Health , “enabling in many ways looks like supporting, but it differs in one main aspect. To enable someone is to protect them from experiencing the full weight of the consequences for their actions.” Although we can’t change what someone with depression and anxiety is going through, it is important to remember that how they treat others around them is something they are still responsible for. Having their bad moods taken out on you or others around them and making excuses for their behavior isn’t healthy for either of you.

4. Feeling invisible.

A lot of the time it is hard for someone suffering from depression and anxiety to see past what they are feeling. This leaves those around them feeling neglected. Much of the time I feel almost invisible. Don’t take it personally. It is not something they are doing on purpose. It is difficult for someone dealing with depression and anxiety to get out of their own head sometimes. This is why it is important that you make sure you take care of yourself.

5. Self-care is vital for your own well-being.

This is something I am still learning how to do. Like I said before, I love seeing those I love happy, and sometimes I let my need for making others happy take control. What I am finding is that I am in a vicious cycle right now because until those with depression can heal, there is no making them happy. I am also not responsible for their happiness, and it is arrogant of me to think so. You can be loving and supportive, but that’s about it. I am still trying to remember my need to make them happy may be making it worse for them. They may be feeling guilty for not being able to be as happy as I want them to.

As difficult as it may be to live with someone suffering from depression and anxiety, try to remember how difficult it must be living with it. Try to be supportive and compassionate to them without losing who you are. Take care of yourself. Do things you enjoy, and most importantly, try not to take things too personally. If things get too overwhelming, there are support groups to help you cope.