“Telling the truth and making someone cry is better than telling a lie and making someone smile.” –Paolo Coelho
You’re engaged! Congratulations! I can’t wait to help you try on dresses, taste cakes, and decorate for the wedding!
While I wish these were the immediate thoughts that filled my mind when I found out the news…they weren’t. It was a weekday, and I woke up to the shocking news via Facebook. My timeline was covered with pictures of him down on one knee and my heart sank straight to my stomach. I can’t believe you’re actually engaged…to him. Pictures of both you and him filled my timeline. Countless comments with the words “Congratulations”, “I’m so happy for you” and “Can’t wait for the big day” flooded the pictures. Normally, every girl dreams of the day that one of her friends gets engaged. From the creative parties, cute pictures, and cliché posts, when your girl friends get engaged it’s a pretty big deal! We get excited and can’t wait for the day we are asked to be a bridesmaid. However, I was quite the contrary. I tried to be so incredibly happy for the both of you, but something inside of me just couldn’t let that happen.
Soon you will say “I do” and I, unfortunately, have said “I don’t”. Please know that I always want the best for you and I never intend to hurt you. But, hiding the truth from you, in essence is hurting you. Therefore, I need to be honest with you. So…here it goes.
It pains me to not be happy about your engagement. Please trust me, it does. I want to be happy for you, but deep down I know he is not right for you. You’re still in the honeymoon phase; you’re unable to see the red flags because of how blinding love can be. And, if you need someone to explain just how blinding love can be, I could go on and on about how many mistakes I made in an unhealthy relationship. While you may think the man you are about to marry will be the perfect husband, you’re right, he will be, but he’s not the perfect husband for you. He’s the one, just not your one. You deserve a prince charming who respects you and treats you like royalty. Not someone who is controlling and manipulative.
Let me just say that I don’t hate him, and I don’t wish bad on him. I actually think you both would be great friends, but he is not your happily ever after. In fact, he’s your happily NEVER after. I want to be smiling from ear-to-ear on your special day, not praying that you see you’ve made a mistake. I’ve read the texts he’s sent you and I absolutely do not agree with how controlling he is. He doesn’t like when you go out with your friends without him, he requires you update him on your whereabouts and he's constantly trying to control your life decisions.
A relationship should be about trust and respect, and it seems to me that he neither trusts nor respects you. A man who truly loves you lets you make your own decisions, not forces his decisions upon you. Your future husband should love you “for better or for worse” and not want to change you. You’re attached at his right hip and he constantly tells you what you can and cannot do. The sad thing is that you even have to ask him permission before you do anything. That...that saddens me. You already have 2 parents, why would you want a third?
You have so much of your life ahead of you and I don’t want you wasting it on a man who is not meant for you. I want you to live a life without feeling confined or like you’ve been living in a cage. My biggest fear is that you would one day wake up and realize you’ve made a colossal mistake and you will have to live this reality for the rest of your life. You have centered your whole life around this one guy, and have even altered your future life plans just to make him happy. No, no, no! This guy is your soon-to-be husband and he can’t even support your future plans? He should support you no matter the sacrifice. You are a beautiful girl inside and out and I would hate for this beauty to be wasted on a measly guy who is undeserving of all you have to offer. As hard as it is to tell you this, I would hate living a lie and knowing that I could have done something to sway your decision. Just know that I love you. You may not agree with what I am saying, but please, take my words and think once more about what you’re about to do. So, before you say “I do”, don’t forget why I say “I don’t”.
