This weekend I was taken to a place I would like to be left in for a few months: Hakone.

All the necessities like food, water, comfortable beds and super fast wifi, but surrounded by Japan's sprawling mountains, forests, volcanoes, hot springs, shrines, temples and lakes.

If there is a heaven on Earth, it was that place.

Someday I'm going back to just spend a full day sleeping by the water, another full day hanging out in different onsen, a full day sitting quietly at different shrines... Seriously, I couldn't get enough.

My host mom informed me we would be leaving the house at 6AM. I woke up at 6:20 and no one else had moved from bed. I packed and waited patiently.

This was vacation, after all. Not as important as getting to Disneyland before anyone else, which we attempted to accomplish last weekend. I would write an article about Disneyland, but the long and short of it is that it's exactly what you'd expect, except in Japanese, with a few exclusive rides and shows. Also it's more of a challenge with four kids five and under. One who really likes you to carry him.

So we set off. I immediately fell asleep in the car. So did the boys. After a convenience store breakfast, of course. Sandwiches, onigiri, fried chicken, yogurt and tea galore. Japanese convenience store food is a marvel. My favorite thing is nikuman. I'm sure it isn't good for you, but it's marinated pork inside of a steamed bun and that's really all anyone needs to know about that. Apparently it's actually Chinese food but that is not important.

I woke up at some point. Probably the best point. We were surrounded on all sides by mountains, each one a lush, green wonderland. I couldn't stop saying: "It's so pretty. It's so pretty. Japan is so pretty." I'm sure I was getting annoying, but I didn't know what else to say. I was overwhelmed. It sort of felt like being home in Oregon. It was not unlike the mountainous drive between Portland and central Oregon -- but there were more mountains, and we seemed so small in comparison.

Our first stop was a tiny but apparently famous sweet shop. You had to take your shoes off to go inside. There was also a traditional, in house fire pit, tatami mats, sliding paper doors and the like. It smelled so much like the campfire at the beach my family goes to. I didn't want to leave. We ate some rice cakes and drank tea, took in the scenery, and stepped inside an old Edo period museum for a few looks around.

Stop number two was a shrine. I honestly don't remember the name, if it even had one, but it was stunning. Probably Hakone Shrine, if I had to guess. We entered through a massive "torii" or gate, a marker that indicates the home of spirits. We walked through and gazed at all the amazing trees and water features. People from all around Japan rang bells, prayed, bought charms and walked around the beautiful landscape.

Of particular note was a tree that literally looked like a spread vagina. You may think I'm being really obscene and inappropriate here, but use your imagination. There's a pretty awesome reason why XX chromosomal bodies sometimes go through that process. Birth! Women who can't make it to the bigger, more famous and crowded shrine dedicated to safe and easy birth often come to this tree in Hakone. You pray, offer some money for the upkeep of the shrine if you desire and ask for an easy, painless birth. Supposedly, the spirits of birth and motherhood sit near the tree and listen. My host mom asked for an easy birth for her friend Yoko. I've already mentioned that Yoko is pregnant right now, but that goes without saying.

I think that's the coolest freaking thing ever.

No, you can't have a picture of the vagina tree. At least not from me. You'll have to go see it for yourself.

Next stop? Possibly the most novel place on Earth. We took a sky tram up to the top of an active volcano. No, no, it wasn't dangerous. Seriously, they won't even run the sky tram in the rain. It has to be perfect weather. Moreover, the levels of volcanic gas are constantly monitored. If they're even remotely higher than usual, you have to wear a mask to prevent contact with most of it. Also, it wasn't exactly the top. It was close to the top, but the volcano is full of holes where gasses leak out. Hot water runs off the mountain and feeds many nearby hot springs.

Why was the place so novel? They cook eggs in the volcanic run off.

They turn black. Inside? Totally normal, albeit smelly boiled egg. Outside? Kind of terrifying. You can eat the eggs, but you can also eat candy shaped like the eggs. Or buy soap that looks like the eggs. Or get really any black egg merch you could possibly want. Foreigners galore, here.

By that point in the day, it was pouring down rain. We headed to our hotel and checked in. Hotel is not the right word. We stayed in a "ryoukan," or traditional Japanese inn. Sliding paper doors, no shoes, public baths and bathrooms, six stories with no elevators, futons for the floor, tea settings, massive, traditional dinner and breakfast, etc. etc. You are tricked into believing you are in the Edo period. With wifi, of course.

I hit the onsen. It was early in the day, so I was the only one there. That was cool and all, except not every man in the place realized that the genders switch every night. Meaning, I get to use the bath the guys got to use the night before. Different minerals, different scenery, you know. A change. So I'm about half naked and a white guy walks in, informing me I'm in the wrong bath.

I am so frustrated that I walk into the hall with no top, point at the kanji for "woman" on the door and tell him I can read. The hotel manager (a nice old lady) scurries him away. Then I was the only one in the onsen. I was too flustered to be nice. In retrospect, I should have helped him, but he was just so sure I was wrong, even given the fact that he hadn't bothered to learn the "woman" and "man" kanji.

It was... so nice. So hot. There's really no pressure to hurry or get out of the way. The water is constantly flowing, recycled, replenished, sterilized and returned.

Shortly after, I went back upstairs and everyone else got their turn in the bath. The littlest boy sobbed when he learned he couldn't go into the woman's bath with his mother, so she ordered a private, family bath for later in the evening. That could have been weird. Could have been, but my host father said he wasn't going, so it was just the host mom, the boys and me. I decided, what the heck? I love onsen. I'm going.

According to the five year old: "Your boobs are weird. This is my first time seeing them, so I needed to tell you." His mom told him this wasn't a nice thing to say, but he replied: "Well, all boobs are weird. I'm telling the truth." He proceeded to poke them. I told him it was very rude to do that, especially without asking, and he left me alone. That was the end of the awkward. Still an onsen, still amazing, and no one cared about the nudity. For the most part.

We all slept on the floor on futons. You would think that would be uncomfortable, but it isn't. It's like they designed the perfect squish pad, pillow and style of blanket for the best sleep of your life.

Oh, I forgot dinner, but the menu was pages long and I literally had no idea what 90% of the food was. There was rice and fish and vegetable soup and pumpkin pudding and that's really all I needed to be happy.

The next morning we had breakfast and headed out to the most scenic spot in Hakone. It's near the top of one of the mountains and boasts a view of Mt. Fuji... if it isn't hiding.

Surprise, surprise, there it was! Looking a little sad without snow and certainly with some cloud cover, but it was Mt. Fuji. I finally got to see it!

Our next stop was the Hakone Art Museum. The art museum itself was drastically underwhelming, but the miles and miles of pristine, traditional Japanese gardens were worth getting lost in. I took so many pictures my memory was full. I had to post them and quickly delete them to make room for more. The internet will have to hold on to them for me. We took a cable car to a Soba (wheat noodle) lunch down the mountain and headed home.

I slept so hard in the car. Warm, tired and with some strangely English and strangely famous music playing in the background, I couldn't help it.

When we got home I had only one thing left to do...

...bust out an obscene amount of homework.

You gotta do what you gotta do to enjoy Japan, ya'll. School is important, but the country itself can teach you a lot, too.