It’s the day you’ve been practicing for…It’s game day. Your coach is on the sidelines waiting for the game to begin and your parents are in the stands while you and your teammates are in position on the field. The goalies are in the cages. The draw is set up, and the girls from either team are crouched and waiting to fling up their sticks and release the ball to begin the game. Girls from both teams wait anxiously on either side of the center circle, awaiting their opportunity to box out their opponent and fling into the air to catch the ball and make the first play of the game. Midcalfs and eye cages on, cleats double knotted, mouth guard in, stick in hand, and your heart is racing…You’re ready to compete…You take a breath and the ref blows her whistle starting the game.

It has been a little over four months since I was last competing on a lacrosse field and like many highschool athletes who have now moved on to a college where they are no longer playing their sport, I miss it. I well up with pride and memories as I look back at my years playing lacrosse. Lacrosse was the comfort around which my life revolved for so many years. It was something at which I could venture to be better at both physically and mentally, and stronger both on and off the field. Any struggle which arose on the field could be better prepared for off the field and then re addressed and conquered. I loved this about sports. I was never as academically successful as I was athletically. So naturally, I enjoyed athletics more than academics. The memories of how it felt to be on the field, and the rush of playing a game are becoming memories from further and further in my past as time goes on. But playing lacrosse for me was so much more than a game.

My feet pound the grass as my chest inflates; my mind feels calm as I experience the peace I had only known through lacrosse. I thrived off of the crisp air that reddened my face and the sweat that dripped down my cheeks. Lacrosse provided an outlet for stress, a way to balance my life, and the competition that fueled my drive to succeed. For years, it had been an instinctive experience for me; I felt most like myself when I was on the field. The same comfort and security which was provided by lacrosse will never be replicated, but now, being retired and no longer playing on a lacrosse team, I am thrown into the challenges of finding peace and happiness through other outlets. My support system has transformed alongside me as I grow up; From teammates, to friends, to family, and now to the new friends which I have met at college. I definitely still crave to re live certain aspects of the game, but am reminded that I made the choice to go to college for academics rather than to play at a high division for lacrosse, and I believe that was the right choice. Although a day does not go by where I don’t miss the teams I played with, the thrill of the game, or the competition, I am striving to reach a new happiness...without lacrosse.