There will come a point in your life, probably multiple times actually, where you find yourself in friendship that is unhealthy. A lot of times when people talk about negative relationships they are talking about romantic relationships, but negative friendships can also have poor effect on your mental and even your physical health.
It can be really hard to notice when a friendship is negatively affecting you, but there are a few signs you can look for to help determine if you are, in fact, in an unhealthy friendship.
1. Your self-esteem deteriorates when around them
If you ever feel like less of yourself or even if they actually put you down, that is a sign of an unhealthy friendship. No one, especially those you consider our closest friends should attack you, your character, your personality, or your looks. They are supposed to bring you up and make you feel your best, not your worst.
2. You find yourself altering your personality and beliefs to fit in with them
It is never a good sign if you are changing what you stand for to impress others. Your parents always tell you not to change for someone in a romantic relationship, and the same applies for a friendship. Yes, it is ok to change certain things if it is benefitting you and your life. Is your friend offering to go work out with you because you want to but don’t have the motivation alone? That is a positive change that will benefit your life, but if there are times you find yourself changing your morals just to fit in, then get out.
3. You do not always feel comfortable sharing your opinions
If you ever feel like you will be judged or laughed at because of an opinion you have, then your friends are not supportive enough of you and your beliefs. They by no means have to agree with you, but they should respect your opinions as much as you respect theirs.
4. You notice they gossip about or influence other’s opinions to match their own
If they gossip about you, another friend in your groups, or even just other people you know about they are not people you should be around. Everybody is human, and we have a tendency to talk about other people. However, if you start noticing these people only ever gossiping that is a bad sign. Also, if you start to get a sense of groupthink lead by a single person, you should reconsider who is really your friend.
5. You always give and they always take
If you find that this friendship is very one sided all the time you should start analyzing why. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve been give is that every relationship is a give and take. Some days you give 50/50, others its 60/40, and even others it can be 20/80, but if a friendship is consistently one sided and you are the one always giving that is extremely unhealthy for you.
6.They expect you to empathize, but never empathize with you
Some people find it really hard to empathize, but yet they expect you to empathize with every problem they encounter. This goes back to the give and take, but if you feel an uneven amount of empathy you deserve better.
7.You notice yourself complaining about certain behaviors they display frequently
I’ve always managed to have a person I can confide in when it comes to friends. Whether they were not a part of a certain friend group, or we had similar thoughts on the happenings within a friend group. These people would hear my complaints about what was going on with other people because sometimes you just need to express your frustration with someone who is not involved, but there was something that I realized. If any of my complaints never went away, even if I had talked to the people it concerned, they were not trying to benefit our friendship. They were ignoring my thoughts and feelings and that was proof enough that I needed to get out.
It can be really hard to accept that you are in a toxic friendship, but once you do, it can be even harder to figure out a way to get out. Even if you know it’s not healthy, these people were, or are, your friends and they are important to you, no matter how much they hurt you. It is difficult, but it is possible.
If you find yourself in a toxic friendship, here are some ways to get out of it.
1. Accept that you are in an unhealthy friendship
The hardest part about an unhealthy friendship is realizing and then coming to terms with the fact that it is actually unhealthy for you. After all, these people are ones you like and at one point wanted to be around. My advice on this one is listen to other people you are close to because, chances are, if they notice you are not 100% yourself around someone, you are usually not.
2. Talk it out
Both parties probably have unresolved issues that need to be addressed. Obviously, these issues are causing problems and they might even cause similar problems to arise in other friendships. Be that miscommunication, a personal difficulty with opening up, a feeling of being inferior, or a sense of hypocrisy within a relationship, the first step to solving a problem is to find the root of it.
3. Big life changes
One of the easiest ways to get out of an unhealthy friendship is to wait until a large life change occurs so that you can gradually fade away and leave everyone none the wiser. A popular time is the transition from high school to college and then from college to whatever comes next. Everyone’s life is changing and it can be easy to lose people, so it can be even easier to do it intentionally.
4. Distance yourself and walk away
Even if you don’t have a big life change, you can gradually distance yourself from a person. People come and go from our lives that at the time it can seem like a huge deal, but after a while it will not feel any different from any other time you’ve moved on from a part of your life.
5. Surround yourself with the positive people
If you find yourself in an unhealthy friendship, I guarantee there are people who will back you up and be there for you. Be that a person who helped you realize said friendship was unhealthy, or even those who show their support in other ways (like a hug after a rough day or just someone who listens to your thoughts and feelings).
