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Halloween, When Anything Can Be Sexy

"Last Halloween I came as Janet Jackson's boob. It was topical."-- Michael Scott

Azita Rahebi

Oct 09, 2016

UC Irvine

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Halloween is a troubling holiday to me. Yes, you get candy corns and spooky decorations but you also get Halloween costumes that are made unnecessarily sexy. I can’t be entirely mad at it because at least we can all laugh at them together.

1. Minions are already sexy, but I guess.

2. This costume won't protect you from a cold, let alone Ebola.

3. Legs out for Harambe.

4. Me if I were a costume.

5. Chewbac...uhhhh...

6. No, no, no, no, no.

7. Better than the original, but still no.

8. Oh, look. My childhood has been tainted.

9. Why are vegetable costumes even a thing. Like, why? If you're going to make any food into a sexy costume it should be pizza.

10. Touché.

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Halloween, When Anything Can Be Sexy

"Last Halloween I came as Janet Jackson's boob. It was topical."-- Michael Scott

1. Minions are already sexy, but I guess.

2. This costume won't protect you from a cold, let alone Ebola.

3. Legs out for Harambe.

4. Me if I were a costume.

5. Chewbac...uhhhh...

6. No, no, no, no, no.

7. Better than the original, but still no.

8. Oh, look. My childhood has been tainted.

9. Why are vegetable costumes even a thing. Like, why? If you're going to make any food into a sexy costume it should be pizza.

10. Touché.

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

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