There comes a time when you’ve been talking to a guy for a while, and he eventually tells you the same line that all the other ones say; “I’m sorry, I’m really not trying to get emotionally involved, and I don’t want a girlfriend right now.” Well, isn’t that great? Because I never wanted to be your girlfriend anyway! I never said I did, but there comes the inevitable assumption that girls will have to expect at some point.

The funny thing, though, is that once a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, the “casual” friendship that once existed doesn’t exist anymore, and they could have maintained a fun relationship if they (he) had just realized something right off the bat: a lot of girls are also not looking to get emotionally involved or date someone right now. If he had read the signs rather than making assumptions, he could have prevented the post "I-don’t-want-a-relationship" conversation. If a girl hasn’t told you she likes you, she doesn’t text you or contact you often, and she doesn’t make you talk to her or see her more than the few casual times a month, you should expect that you’re good to go. Why do guys seem to always assume that the girls who never bother them are somehow obsessed with them?

What guys need to understand is that many girls are playing the field as much as they are. The problem with this is that when we do, we are often pinned as a slut, while guys are free to explore sexual partners without any societal repercussions. Times are changing, and girls are realizing that their ability to be like men is actually pretty easy, and we often don’t have time for relationships but enjoy fun, casual experiences that don’t necessarily mean anything. Sure, everyone meets people that spark their attention in a different way if they make a better connection, but most of the time, this isn’t the case. Guys need to realize that girls are doing their thing just as much as they are.

The most interesting part about casual hook ups is the way that guys act the next time you see them. You go into the night expecting to have a normal interaction where you say hello and catch up a little, but when you arrive to the party, you are greeted by a not-so-friendly reality. As you both stand in the party room or the bar on opposite sides of the room, knowing full well that the other is there, you slowly make your way closer to each other, so you can finally have your awkward encounter that makes you feel like everything that happened last weekend couldn’t have been possible, based off this interaction.

Why does it have to be like that? Girls don’t think that saying hello is showing any sort of interest other than just being a nice person, and standing on the opposite side of the room and making uncomfortable eye contact only makes a girl feel like you couldn’t care less about her. The problem is that guys are trying to make it clear to the girl that he’s not looking for anything more than just a hook up, but since when does being an asshole have to be the way to do it? Say hello, have a nice conversation, and if you don’t want to express too much interest, leave it at that. Girls are usually down for the same thing as guys, and if guys didn’t act so weird, we could avoid a lot of awkwardness.

Girls are oftentimes pretty chill, and if guys gave them the opportunity to have fun and be actual friends with a few benefits on the side, they would be amazed at how much easier it is than avoiding each other because you don’t know how interact. Say hello, be a nice person, and if you aren’t interested, don’t be an asshole. It never has to be like that, and you’ll come out looking like a way better guy for the girl that does strike your fancy in a more-than-casual way. If she sees that you’re friendly to people no matter what, she’ll respect you a lot more than if she thinks you’re a rude guy that will potentially ignore her the next time she comes over.