I've been with some of the best, but mostly the worst, so I know the drill. Here are some habits of men you should probably dump immediately.

If he brings hookah pens anywhere he goes.

#fratstar

If he takes off his shirt at a party while sober.

He's not only embarrassing himself, he's embarrassing you. Cut the hulk out of your life, like, yesterday.

If he complains about one of your friends.

All his friends probably do is put their hands in their pants and play xbox, so he has absolutely no room to talk about how many guys your friend has hooked up with.

If he sends you a year-long subscription for pumpkin bars.

I cannot make this stuff up. It happened to me; beware of the crazies.

If he has to have his hands on you at all times.

No, you're sweating, leave me alone.

If he cried in front of you before he bought you dinner.

Let me just say that I can't handle emotions normally, let alone with a guy I barely even know. If you don't have enough time or money to buy me dinner, I don't have enough time or patience to deal with you crying.

If he promises to take you out on dates, but never does.

You could literally take me to McDonald's and I would be impressed. If the guy can't even do that, leave.

If he only texts you after 2 a.m.

Classic booty call move. Put the phone down, put it on silent, DO NOT ANSWER. Rookie mistake, never fall for it.

If he asks you to pay for the bottle of wine even though you make him breakfast every morning.

Chivalry is dead.

If he talks shit about his mom.

If he has no respect for the woman who raised him, he'll have no respect for you.

If he cares more about his clothes than he does about.... well, anything about you.

If I can't tell the difference between Walmart brand and Victoria's Secret, neither should he.

If he has a nickname that you don't want to know the story behind.

If it's something to do with farting, barfing, or burping; gtfo.

He genuinely sucks.

Stop listening to your heart or whatever, if the guy sucks, he sucks. He might cry when you end it, or send you 32 texts in a row, but it'll be worth it in the end.

#dueces