I’ll admit it, I’m an emotional dude. I tend to know what I feel when I feel it. I’m generally unafraid to express my emotions. Why would I be? We are humans; we feel. Those feelings can be powerful, sometimes overwhelming. Males often hold those feelings in. This falls in line with what we are expected by society’s standard: unwavering stoicism and gritty toughness. We aren’t supposed to let things bother us; we’re supposed to smother those feelings of emotional distress to preserve our image of a perfect manly man.
This is not healthy.
When I was a kid, I picked up on those gender roles, largely from my dad. He almost never told me to 'man up', but I saw that he held terrible feelings in and that he used unhealthy coping methods to deal with his burdens. He did his best to dismiss his emotional trauma, withdrawing instead of reaching out. That'll take a toll on anyone.
When the depression hit hard at ages 11 and 12, I held those feelings in too. I didn’t really tell anyone of the brutal verbal and physical bullying I endured during school, nor of the profound confusion and grief that I felt at home after my parents got divorced until it finally all came out. The flood continued for months, making up for all that time it had spent bottled up deep, deep inside me. There were outbursts, both at home and at school, and long nights spent crying in my mom's bed and all different kinds of pills. Sometimes, I still find myself fighting that fight. But it feels better to let it out.
Guys, if you want to cry, you go ahead and cry. Just do it. It's alright, dude, I promise. Wrap up in some blankets and put on music and let yourself purge of all that crap that’s been building up in your head. You’ll find that you feel better afterward; just as eating while hungry or drinking while thirsty, expressing your emotions is a mental function that you need to do in order to be healthy. But don’t just stop at crying; if something makes you happy, let it be known that you are happy and that this thing made you happy. Your positivity will spread to those around you. And if something happens that bothers you, speak up. Address it now, and not when it comes back to the surface.
It’s okay to be sad. Really. We’re trained to avoid sadness like water and oil. It sucks and it’s uncomfortable, but holding it in doesn’t make anything better. It makes it worse, much worse. So, guys, it’s okay to ask for help. It’s scary—it’s absolutely terrifying. But it’s okay to do it, because there are so many good people out here on planet Earth, and they know and understand and relate. It might be scary, but that makes you brave because opening up is one of the scariest things someone can ever do. And if you're struggling, I want to let you know that you do have that same bravery within you. I'm certain of it.
So, be brave.
