Dear guys:

We women really would appreciate if the cat-calling could stop. I know that many men believe that they’re just giving compliments, and that they’re trying to make us feel better. Unless you’re sticking your head out the window to tell us we look “beautiful”, we’re probably going to instead feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, unsafe, or all of the above. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s sweet if you want to compliment a girl if she looks good, but there’s a huge difference between doing that, and making her feel like nothing more than an object.

A part of me really doesn’t understand what a guy gets out of honking his horn or making gestures or faces at women minding their own business walking down the street. Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel like you’re responsible for making a girl feel like she’s hot? Maybe she already knows she’s hot. Or maybe being hot isn’t the most important thing on her mind because she has real thoughts and feelings and interests that make her a more whole person.

What I want guys to know is that if we’re walking alone at night, or anytime, actually, we are often more on edge because of how common sexual assault is. We’re already not feeling 100% safe and in control, like many men feel walking at night, but if we’re cat-called, it just increases the anxiety tenfold. We don't like feeling like pieces of meat that you and your buddies are ogling.

It’s also pretty embarrassing. I’ve had people honk and cat-call me in front of guy friends and parents, and I’ll tell you, it definitely isn’t a good feeling. It also makes me feel ashamed for wearing certain clothes, even if I’m doing it for myself and not for others. I understand that many men have no bad intentions in their cat-calling. But please. If you’re going to do it, ask yourself if you think it will make the girl feel better or worse. Usually, it’s going to be the latter.

So how about you just skip the whistling, and if you want to compliment a woman, do it in a polite and non-threatening way. It will satisfy your apparent need to let women know their worth (even though they probably know it already) without making them feel unsafe or downright icky. For all the guys that avoid cat-calling because they’re aware of how it makes us feel---thanks! You’re the real MVP.