Let's start off by picturing a scenario, likely a familiar one at that, where you have been out with your friends and when you get back to your apartment your boyfriend decides to pick a fight and accuse you of doing something wrong because it's in his head that you did.
No matter what you say, he finds a way to believe that he is right and you are wrong.
Nothing you can do or say is going to change his mind, to the point where you are actually starting to doubt your own actions and believe that you have in fact done something wrong. I would never believe you if you said this scenario seems far fetched and you had never been around a man that has done this to you or someone you know at some point in your life.
Maybe it wasn't your boyfriend doing the accusing. Instead, it's your friends, and you're watching from the other room just itching to interject, but you know you have to let her fight this battle on her own to keep it from escalating.
I assure you, being accused of doing something wrong does not mean that you actually did. In fact, in most cases, this is a classic gaslighting action that is more common than a teenager getting their first zit.
Think back to the last time you voiced your opinion in an argument and your significant other suddenly became defensive and convinced that he was completely in the right. How did this feel to you?
There seems to be a short in the male complex of the brain that makes them unable to admit that they are in fact, wrong. Maybe you caught them talking to an ex that you had specifically asked them not to talk to, and they believe they're in the right because either she reached out to him or he just wanted to catch up.
They can't seem to wrap their head around the fact that they blatantly ignored your simple request or take into account how uncomfortable that contact makes you.
Perhaps, it's not even a situation of them talking to another woman that has you upset. Maybe you have asked them repeatedly not to yell at you during an argument because it brings up the memories of past trauma, and instead of respecting this boundary, they raise their voice and say that you are wrong in being upset because it "wasn't actually yelling."
You are completely in the right for setting those boundaries and enforcing them.
Let's look at another angle of a situation that can be unnecessarily escalated. He says that he is going to one friend's house and will be back at a certain time, but then, that time comes and goes and they're not back yet. They aren't answering their phone, not at the friend's house they said they would be at (because you called to check out of concern), and now, you're worried.
When they finally get home, they stress that you are the one in the wrong for asking where they've been, checking in with the friend they were supposed to be with (because it's obviously wrong to be concerned about another person's livelihood), and suddenly, accuse you of not trusting them.
You reciprocate by questioning how hard it would be to make a simple phone call to let you know that plans had changed, just out of courtesy, and they rebuttal that you are not their mother and therefore unable to tell them what they should do.
Listen, guys, you are in the wrong here. Decency and respect go a long way in a relationship, and you have to give them to get them.
Perhaps, you are just one of those men who feels inferior when you're around a woman, or anyone else, who is more educated on a subject than you are. You are incapable of knowing every fact about every topic a person will bring up, so you need to learn to live with the fact you will in fact not always be right.
Admission of being wrong will go a long way in any relationship, romantic or friendship, and learning to have an open and informative conversation is better than an incessant debate over a topic you know nothing about that ultimately leaves everyone feeling anger and resentment towards the other. Being around someone that can challenge your intellect and force you to learn new information is healthy and keeps life interesting in the long run.
Just because you are unable to let yourself admit you are wrong in the moment doesn't mean you can't go back and apologize after you have both had time to cool off.
If your girlfriend/wife/significant other of any kind is upset about something you have done or said, you do not have the right to deflect their feelings and become accusatory in return. If someone you love is hurt by your actions, you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself if your ego is worth losing someone important to you.
I promise someone worth keeping in your life won't put up with those retorts and actions for very long before looking for a guy that is capable of having an open and honest conversation.
Ladies, there are men out there that will respect your boundaries and be able to admit when they are wrong. Wait for one of them.
