At the time, I felt adored, beloved, wanted, and cherished. I was surrounded by guys who wanted to spend every second with me.
"Lets go get pizza," you'd say, "then we can go back to my house and watch a movie or something! My parents won't be there. I know you get nervous meeting people."
I thought that was an act of endearment. You knew I had anxiety and introductions were scary to me. But no, those weren't your motives. Yes, it made me feel better, walking into an empty house, but for you, that was just a one less roadblock in your way towards getting in my pants.
At the young age of 15, boys flocking to be my friend made me feel on top of the world. I always had trouble making girlfriends, so the attention was comforting. I liked hanging out with guys. It wasn't sexual drive or hormones, it was just based on friendship, and maybe a need for attention.
Part of me wants to thank you and part of me wants to hate you. I thank you because although with wrong intentions, for small amounts of time, you made me feel wanted. I felt protected and wanted when I was around you and your friends. I had a true friend, or so I thought. At this point, these times were the happier times of my life. I hate you because once I turned you down, you went running-- running away from me, from our friendship, and from the girl you crushed. If I wasn't willing to pull off my bra or unbutton my pants, I wasn't going to see you ever again. Maybe I'd see you by passing you in the hallway, but even then you'd act like I didn't exist.
This pattern is obvious and I should have noticed this sooner, but I always hoped for the best. I always believed someone would be different and would actually try and be my friend and nothing more. But that never happened.
And for the few of you who tagged along waiting to see if I'd change my mind, I'm sorry I couldn't be convinced, no matter how many times you mentioned your "massive load".
I hope you and that "massive load" of yours are doing well. I hope you finally realized that girls are not objects. We are not a hole for your sexual pleasure or a mouth to kiss on your lonely days. We are real human beings with feelings, emotions, and a need for friendship. Pure friendship!
God, I hope you've come to your senses, because I promise, while fifteen year old girls might take that shit, women will not.
