I really thought you were the one. I thought to myself, "this is it, after everything I've been through, my heart that has been torn to pieces, here he is to fix it." I believed my heart was about to be pieced back together. You had me wrapped around your finger. I was down for you. You came in so believing, with the words you spoke, the gestures you made, and the feelings you gave. You had really seemed to care about me. Maybe you did, but as time passed, the words you spoke were different, the gestures you made became so shy, and the feelings you gave began to fade. Where was the guy I fell in love with? Why were things changing? I became blind to you. But why? What possibly went wrong? Was this whole bond we just developed a lie?
I felt more broken than I have ever felt in my life.
You broke me. I fell to the lowest point in my life. Everything I had ever dreamed of just got shattered. You changed love for me. I hated the thought of ever loving or being loved again. Love was dead to me. The world was dead to me. I faked every laugh, smile, and feeling of happiness. All because of you I started living in a lie. I felt as you had ruined everything for me.
My mind calmed and the tears came.
Reality kicked in. Every sweet memory I had of you settle in my mind. You were all I thought about. The thought of being with you was so strong, it was eating me alive. It was still you I saw myself with. Through all the pain, it was still you who I wanted. Day and night, I cried. I cried in silent in public, as soon as I was alone the tears just poured out. I wanted to hate you, but my heart was too big to ever hate you. I wondered who you would ever find that would still feel do much for you, like me, after putting them through the pain you put me through.
Time continues to pass, and the tears began to wash away.
I began to let go of the thought of being with you. We were friends, that was all. I knew it would never be the same when talking to you, being around you, seeing you, and hearing your name. Songs we would listen to were no longer on my playlist. Things we would talk about were stored in a lock box in the back of my mind. I realized you weren't who I saw you out to be. I saw our friendship from a different perspective now knowing who you really were. I love you. I always have loved you. I always will love you. But from here on out, I will love you from a distance.
