Everybody has an opinion on something. Whether or not we choose to express that or how it is a different question, but that is mostly a true statement. When we learn new information, our minds determine how that information will filter into our values, likes and interests, and various beliefs.

One outlet that seems to be booming with opinion is social media, in particular, is Facebook.

Any of you who have been online in the past 15 months know there is a good bit of confrontation and arguing over politics. Many of you have probably contributed to that arguing at some point. You’re not a bad person for arguing and debating, quite the contrary; you are taking advantage of and celebrating your First Amendment rights to free speech.

Sigmund Freud once said, “The first person to throw an insult rather than a stone was the founder of civilization."

Sometimes our insult-throwing can get a bit out of hand. What starts as friendly debate and discussion turns into a digital shouting match, in which two or more people dismiss each other as “morons," “idiots” and a whole other array of colorful terminology.

What does this accomplish? Nothing. Neither side is adequately represented because the voice of reason is lost in anger and spite. That’s why we (Stephen Bachmeier and I) have decided to create a guideline of ways in which both sides can have a civil discussion about differences without going on a tirade of petty name calling and ad hominem attacks.

1. Be slow to anger.

Sometimes during an argument/debate, the other side may say something you find to be enraging. It happens. However, rather than immediately attacking them for saying something you think is stupid, perhaps it is best to take a step back and collect yourself. Take a break from Facebook for a few minutes. Allow your mind to calm down, because if one thing spoils an argument, it’s belligerent spitefulness.

2. Never make ad hominem attacks.

In case you don’t know, ad hominem attacks are insulting the person rather than the position. For example: Jim says he thinks mice are cute. His friend Alice thinks mice are not cute. Rather than explaining why he finds Alice’s position to be wrong, Jim tells Alice she’s a “hateful, discriminatory monster who is a scab on the face of the planet.” Based off of this exchange, who are you more likely to side with? The calm, collected Alice who offered her position, or aggressive, rude Jim, who insulted Alice as a person. Don’t be like Jim.

3. Understand that everyone has a different background.

Certain topics can only be related to by certain people, while others may have a different experience with a different background. Let us take a look at a real life example. I (Stephen) have seen the workload student athletes have on their shoulders. It is intense and very, very difficult for many of them. I believe that student athletes should receive a certain amount of cash to use for leisure activities. That is from my own experience of working in the athletic department of two colleges. Many would disagree though based on what they have seen from student athletes. Understanding someone’s background helps understand why they stand for what they stand for, as well as gives the issue a face and someone associated with it. It may not sway your opinion but it helps make the issue real and close to home.

4. Build a house together.

Not literally but metaphorically. Imagine you are trying to build a house with the one you are debating and the supplies you both have are the talking points you’ve brought to the debate. Now you both have to find common ground to build this house; otherwise, if you work separately it will not only take longer, but be unstable and impossible to finish. You have to find balance with the foundation. You need to decide what will be the bedrooms, the bathroom and kitchen. How many stories will it be? What style of house are y'all building? These things must be all agreed upon on: who will manage what or will y’all decide to tackle each section together. This shows effort at not just attacking the problem, but teamwork to come to a solution to the problem. This also helps you find the common ground that is needed by all to come up with a solution.

5. Be receptive and open minded.

This is one of the more difficult things to do. Rather than go into an argument with the mindset that the other person is stupid and incapable of making a decent point, be open to what they have to say, and if they say something you disagree with, tell them why you think they are incorrect. However, take into account that you are not always right — it's kind of impossible to be. Instead of elevating yourself to the intellectual superior in your mind, listen to what they have to say, and if you find that you are wrong, then change your mind. This is one of the most difficult things to do, but also one of the most mature. It shows that you are not a brick wall and that you are receptive to the one you are debating.

6. Try to end on a positive note, no matter what.

We’ve all been there. You’re having an argument; they make a statement you know you can argue hard against, so you just drop a truth bomb right in the comment section with a mean insult on top. Then you slam your laptop shut and run to tell all your friends about your sweet burn. Here’s the thing — you have proven nothing in doing this other than that you have an inflated pride. The other person will not view you as intelligent, and will certainly not take your points into consideration. Always try to leave an argument on a good note. If the argument escalates, allow it to defuse and then find common ground or agree to disagree. As Ravi Zacharias is quoted, “Yes, if truth is not undergirded by love, it makes the possessor of that truth obnoxious and the truth repulsive.” Lose the battle, but win the war. Losing a friendship is not worth winning one argument.

Arguments are a part of our day to day lives as Americans. It’s something extremely common, especially in an election cycle. Hopefully these tips will help you have an argument/debate online with someone without ending up aggressively pecking the keyboard with caps lock on and smoke funneling out of your ears.

Understand that we all have different points of view, as we are all very different people. There’s nothing wrong with that; in fact, it’s what makes us human. Just know that when ideas clash, there is a way to discuss differences without sacrificing a friendship.

Here is another quote that can help explain or elaborate what we mean, and encourage!

John Wesley: “I met those of our society who had votes in the ensuing election, and advised them:

1. To vote, without fee or reward, for the person they judged most worthy.

2. To speak no evil of the person they voted against.

3. To take care their spirits were not sharpened against those that voted on the other side.”

This may not be exactly a vote, but most debates come from politics, as Josh has stated, which means they lead to votes. Remember everyone has a reason for their beliefs, respecting and understanding each others views should be one of the top things to be done when in a debate.