Alright ladies, our Monday nights are back. You know what that means, pop open a bottle of wine and break out those brackets. That's right, "The Bachelorette" is back. Out walks Chris Harrison declaring how this season is the most dramatic yet.
After watching more seasons then I can probably keep count of (or like to admit sometimes), I can't detest that. The three minute season preview after the premier featured enough fist fights and man tears to keep me counting down the days until the next episode.
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So for those unfortunate enough to miss the first episode or were overwhelmed by the amazing 25 beautiful men, he's a guide to the most eligible bachelors in America.
Alex
Age: 25
Profession: U.S. Marine
Breakdown: The one who's the hot, all-American hunk. He definitely values family, as his intro features his hot twin brother and he has tattoos relating to his family. As long as he doesn't pull a Jubilee, he should coast pretty far.
Ali
Age: 27
Profession: Bartender
Breakdown: The one with the caterpillar eyebrows. What he lacks in looks, so to speak, he makes up for in his amazing piano skills and his love for surfing. Plus, his Instagram features a cute dog and a ton of food pics. You could tell he's smitten by her the second he stepped out the limo, but my guess is he won't make it more than a few weeks.
Brandon
Age: 28
Profession: Hipster
Breakdown: The one who's like the fish out of water. Nothing really memorable here besides the fact I thought he was high during the entire thing. Oh, and his bio says he wants a "Notebook" type of experience...next.
Chad
Age: 28
Profession: Luxury Real Estate Agent
Breakdown: The one with the most preview reel time. While he's also a Marine, he spends most of his time picking fights and boasting his overly inflated ego... His bio says the person he admires most is himself in 10 years (gags). He is this season's villain who will turn on the charm and fool Jojo for more than half the season.
Chase
Age: 27
Profession: Medical Sales Rep.
Breakdown: The one who mustache you a question (clever intro dude). His favorite movie is "The Chronicles of Narnia" so he's definitely a kid at heart. I don't see any major flags with him and he's a total cutie so my money's on at least hometowns for him.
Christian
Age: 26
Profession: Telecom Consultant
Breakdown: The one who's biracial. His intro package featured a moving story about the struggles of growing up in a mixed family and being raised Christian. Definitely a science buff, loves "Star Trek" and "Lord of the Rings." I'm feeling a dark horse vibe from him.
Coley
(Eliminated.)
Derek
Age: 29
Profession: Commercial Banker
Breakdown: The one who looks like Jim Halpert. Has a fear of fluffy kittens and loves Jojo's sense of self. He's poised, I like him.
Also, I'll just leave this here:
Daniel
Age: 31
Profession: Male Model / Canadian
Breakdown: The one with the worst first impression. It's clear the producers kept him on for giggles after his strip tease and drunken pool party. Damn Daniel, back at it again with the rating boost.
Evan
Age: 33
Profession: Erectile Dysfunction Expert (Yeah, you read that right.)
Breakdown: The one who studies boners. According to his bio, he loves booty dancing...no surprise there. Has a long list of deal-breakers when it comes to dating including chipped nails. He is the creepy one in my book.
Grant
Age: 27
Profession: Firefighter
Breakdown: The one who says he won't fall in love with two girls like Ben (ouch, too soon bud, too soon). His bio says that even if he's hooking up with a girl, "I still do cute stuff for them all the time." I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now since he became a firefighter to help people.
Jake
(Eliminated.)
James F.
Age: 34
Profession: Boxing Club Owner
Breakdown: The one with the same name. Had a cute sparring match with Jojo and his favorite book apparently is the Bible. He doesn't get the TKO...for now.
James S.
Age: 27
Profession: "Bachelor" Super-fan
Breakdown: The one who loves Chris Harrison more than Jojo. His intro package features a viewing party of three people and scenes of him doing push-ups shirtless on a mountain...run Jojo.
James Taylor
Age: 29
Profession: Singer-songwriter
Breakdown: The one with the celebrity twin. He's a fellow Texan so that definitely gives him an instant connection, plus he wrote her an adorable song. Keeping my eye on him.
Jonathan
(Eliminated.)
Jordan
Age: 27
Profession: Former Professional Quarterback
Breakdown: The one who makes your ovaries explode. JoJo couldn't stop swooning over him. I should have taken a shot every time she commented on how good he looked. Not only is he Aaron Rodger's brother, but usually the first out of the limo are some power players. Number one in the competition and number one in my heart...clearly her's too, as he got the first impression rose!!
Luke
Age: 31
Profession: War Veteran
Breakdown: The one who rides in on a unicorn. He's a true country boy and being from Texas definitely helps his cause. I don't see one bad thing about him, I'm definitely feeling hometowns.
Nick B.
Age: 33
Profession: Electrical Engineer
Breakdown: The one who dressed like Santa Claus. He'll have to stop yelling "Jo Jo Jo" (instead of "Ho Ho Ho") if he doesn't want to head back to the North Pole empty handed. Lose the gig and he's got potential, but right now it's bordering on a tad creepy.
Nick S.
(Eliminated.)
Peter
(Eliminated.)
Robby
Age: 27
Profession: Former Competitive Swimmer
Breakdown: The one who brought the bottle of wine. A definite contender despite rumors that during filming he has a girlfriend...but in typical "Bachelorette" fashion, it's usually just heresy.
Sal
(Eliminated.)
Vinny
Age: 28
Profession: Barber
Breakdown: The one who looks like he rolled out of the Jersey shore. He also proposed a toast with Jojo and pulled out a literal piece of toast. You might also remember him as the one who got too drunk and crashed Jojo's interview.
Wells
Age: 31
Profession: Radio DJ
Breakdown: The one who brought a boy group to serenade Jojo. A little bit of a try hard but his ideal first date is eating tacos and drinking wine so he definitely recovers from that. He won't make it to hometowns, but he'll stick around for a bit.
Will
Age: 26
Profession: Civil Engineer
Breakdown: The one who friend-zoned himself. Not only did he "accidentally" drop his cards when he met Jojo, but he also used an origami to get the worlds most awkward first kiss. Sweet guy, but right now he looks like a major goon.
Who will be the last one standing? We'll just have to wait and see.
