Have you ever gone to an art museum and felt like an idiot because the art isn't speaking to you. Does each painting just look like the last one, but maybe a little less clear? And have you ever gone with someone who loves talking about art, but you have absolutely nothing to say?
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Well, lucky for you, I have put together a quick go-to guide on some tips and phrases that will turn you into an art genius! (Or at least make you appear to be one.) Use at your discretion, however if you are able to incorporate all into a visit -- you definitely will impress your friends, family, and the random strangers in the gallery. Here it is:
1. Walk right past a painting, but then go back to it immediately as if you didn't get to take in all its beauty the first time. Gasp audibly.
2. Pick a painting to look at far away. After some time, move extremely close to it. Say something like "remarkable!" or "I can't believe its the same painting!"
3. The moment you see a painting by Renoir, shout "Oh finally, a Renoir!"
4. Pick the biggest painting you see and say, "The scale! Breathtaking!"
5. Go to a painting and say, "Hmm, much brighter than I expected."
6. If you hear someone say that the painting they are looking at is one of their favorites, go to them, look at the painting for a moment then say, "Oh well then you definitely won't like his later work."
7. Pick a painting, talk about the artists fantastic ability to render (key word) the figures.
8. Go to a bench or stool in the gallery, study it as if it were a work of art. If someone asks, say, "When you think about it, isn't everything art?"
9. Go to any impressionist painting and say, "To think, people hated that back when it was created!" Walking away chuckling.
10. Look at any painting, say "I see, I see," as if you had an intellectual awakening.
11. Go to a painting and turn to a person looking at it. Study them intently. When they ask what you are doing, say, "I realized that in this moment we are the art." Walk away, still looking at them.
12. Find an artist that you have never heard of at all and say something like, "Oh I absolutely adore him. One of my all time favorites!"
13. Stand next to someone looking at a painting. Turn to them and say, "We have to remember that the true art lies within the artistic process."
14. Look at a painting and laugh, as if it is some joke that only you get.
15. Carry a glass of champagne with you at all times. Even if a guard says that you can't have a drink in the gallery, insist on carrying it, saying something like,"But how am I supposed to fully appreciate the art?" Laugh at the ignorance of the inexperienced art "lovers."
16. When in doubt, if you need something to say, just shout, "Oh! The use of color!" That will always work. Always.
And there you go! Just some tips that will convince anyone that you've been studying art for years. The next time you are at a museum, be sure to try some or all of them out! People will definitely be impressed.
