Second semester is upon us, and with it, the lingering wounds of post traumatic stress from last semester. "Hey," you might be saying. "How can we return to cramming information into our poor, wrung-out brains when we haven't even properly forgotten all the information we learned last semester?" I know. New classes, new people, new weird heating systems in classrooms. We are all filled with apprehension, but your worries are now at an end, for I have the solution to all your problems (not your calculus problem sets; please, I don't hate myself that much). There is no right way to study, however, there is a Wright way.
DISCLAIMER: Sequoia Wright has no certifications and is in no way qualified to offer advice. She, in actuality, has no idea what she is doing and merely shields her anxiety with humor. She is not legally responsible for any mishaps you may encounter in this program. This program may not be available in your state. If you experience dizziness, nausea, redness, itching, or swelling while using this method, please discontinue use and consult a doctor.
1. Find yourself some snazzy new stationary.
How do you expect to succeed in your classes if you are just writing on bland, lifeless paper with a boring, economical pen? If you like your notebooks and pens, you are more likely to want to use them. Go all out. Find what inspires you. I exclusively use products featuring Naruto, but to each their own.
4.0 Jutsu, activate!
2. Don't actually write anything.
You will realize that your snazzy new stationary is just too awesome and pretty, and you would ruin it by actually using it. It's fine, you don't need notes anyways. Just remember every single little thing the professor says or writes, and you will be golden.
3. Make a study playlist.
The key to a great playlist is to submerge yourself in songs that are simultaneously inspiring and soothing. Take great care in cultivating your playlist, for it will be your lifeline these next few months. The more relevant the lyrics, the better. Songs like All Star by Smash Mouth and Ms. New Booty by Bubba Sparxxx really help me find my groove.
I AM an All Star.
4. Never interact with professors or classmates.
You are a strong, independent student who don’t need no help. People will be much more impressed if you figure everything out on your own than if you rely on others, so just don’t ever give anyone the impression that you receive any sort of help from outside. Let them watch you in awe as you sweep past without uttering a word.
I didn't come here to make friends. I came here to win.
5. Take a break when needed.
Sometimes you’ll be stuck on a question or problem, and you’ll have absolutely no idea how to tackle it. Take that much needed break, put your work aside. Clean your room. Watch a movie. Backpack through Europe. When you return, your mind will be clear and you will be able to look at the issue with focused eyes. Also, depending on how long of a break you take, there may no longer be a place for you at the university, so your earlier problem is no longer a problem at all!
I have reached the highest level of apathy!
6. Don’t check your grades.
You know you’re making As, so why look? Crumple up that exam and chuck it in the recycling (one must be conscious of the environment, after all). Why put excess stress on yourself when you can float blissful ignorance untethered and free. Heck, don’t even check your final grades. It’s just a letter, not your intrinsic value as a human being.
