Navigating social interactions can be tricky, especially if you are socially awkward. Being an introvert definitely has its perks--less drama, deeper friendships, fewer birthdays to remember--but it can be hard to balance the line between wanting friends and never wanting to talk to people.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are trying to bridge the gap and initiate a relationship with an introvert, you are some tips to keep in mind.
1. Don't expect a text back right away.
I'm not trying to ghost you or anything. There is a whole mental process that I go through when I receive a text from a friend. Most of the time I start to reply and then freak out because I can't figure out what I should say and everything I come it with sounds stupid or awkward or dorky. Then I decide to give myself some time to think about it and pretty soon a day and a half has gone by and now I feel even more awkward.
2. Be persistent, please.
There will be a time period where I think that you are just being nice to me because you are a nice person or you pity me. So, if you aren't aggressive with your friendship, I will slowly disappear from your life. One of the tough things about being an introvert is that I subconsciously push people away at first, almost as a test. If you aren't willing to ignore the fact that you've texted me six times in a row without reply (see above) or invited me to two different outings which I've had excuses for then I'm not your girl. If you do get past that stage, I still may flake out on a couple of things because of social anxiety but I promise you I will be one of the fiercest friends you have. Something tells my brain that you've proved yourself not be a fake person and I turn into one of the most loyal, encouraging, compassionate people that will be there for you at the drop of a hat. Once that point is reached, we could not talk for three months and then just pick up the conversation like it was yesterday and I'll be totally chill.
3. Group events are a no go.
There were a couple of times in high school that my whole friend group (six girls) would get together for someone's birthday and I would always be the first to leave. I become extremely uncomfortable with social interactions if they involve more than two other people. Most of the time group outings just lead me to feel super self-conscious because I never say the right thing or people end up not listening to what I say and just talk over me. All in all, it is a really rough time for me and I will most likely just find a reason not to go.
4. Understand the difference between time alone and being alone.
Just because I want to be by myself and spend time alone doesn't mean I don't get lonely. I may need some solitude now and then to regroup and mentally destress. So, if I reject your offer to get coffee or go to that movie it doesn't mean I don't like you or I'm trying to send you some passive-aggressive message. It means I am choosingto stay home and not put on real pants today. Every introvert needs some time to him or herself to recharge and mentally prepare to be social on another occasion.
5. Know that I have no idea how to acknowledge you in public.
Oftentimes I'll run into people at the grocery store or the mall and you would think I've never talked to people in my life. It is so stressful. Do I say hi? Do I pretend not to see you? What if you see me? Should I hide? Oh crap, you saw me. How do I wave again? Did I just smile like Pennywise? Do I always choke on my spit like that when I try to talk? It does not matter if I haven't seen you in a year or if I saw you yesterday. It does not matter if I have only met you once or if you're my roommate. When I see someone unexpectedly, my body goes into shutdown mode. I cannot help it.
6. I am happy the way I am.
Some people are extroverted. Some are introverted. Some are in between. If you are super extroverted then, by all means, be extroverted. I will support you all the way. But please, please, do not try to make me an extrovert. I promise you it is not going to happen. Despite my struggles, I like how I am. I may only have one or two friends but I know those people would do anything for me. Trying to "broaden my horizons" or "face my fears" by forcing me into constant activity or copious amounts of social interaction will just earn you a lot of bottled up aggression. I will just sneak back into my comfortable shell of dance parties for one and Netflix dates with myself. Be friends with me for who I am, not for who you want me to be.
