So you are taking those baby steps towards becoming a more selfish person. Like I mentioned in the first segment of this guide, selflessness can bring you more trouble than you'd expect especially in our case of heartbreak. I made a few mistakes by putting trust and faith in someone expecting the same in return; for most of us who have experienced this pain, we can agree that the feeling of defeat is not fun at all. In the moment it feels like you'll never get over this pain and feeling of sadness. You forget what happiness and self contentment felt like. It's a feeling that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. The pain is real, physically it feels like a horrid punch in the gut, a terrible sensation where your mind and soul is wounded. Mentally you feel withdrawal and anxiety almost as if you're forced to end an addiction. After all, science says that love is more addicting than drugs. I'm not one to give advice on how to overcome this pain because I have yet to overcome it but from advice i've gotten from family and friends and my own experiences I can impart some insight on the process of healing.
During this time, there isn't much you can do except for think, think, and think. You think about everything, your thoughts swim in a pool of never ending hard memories, rejection, and failure. They say pain is temporary but this pain feels eternal. It is the worst in the mornings and night, the times you are usually alone. Thinking and reflecting is a part of healing. You cannot fully heal without reflecting back and facing your emotions. For the people out there like me who can't contain their emotions, cry it out. I don't think it needs to be said that crying helps during healing but for those bottling it in, let it out. You feel a sense of detachment, which is the worst part of the heartbreak that I have acquainted with the most. In a crowded room you feel alone, desperation fills your lungs. This is where it is most important to talk to someone who knows your fragile heart. Remember not to lose trust and be afraid of vulnerability forever just because one person ruined it for you. It may seem like being alone is what feels best but expressing yourself and becoming vulnerable to someone who you can truly trust is an amazing way to heal.
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Keep yourself busy, be active and enjoy life around you. Things are breathing, moving, living around you. Enjoy your surroundings and take a breath of fresh air. You enter a dark mental space, it's a dangerous place to be in where you have the potential to participate in harmful behaviors and have thoughts that bring you to an even darker place. Avoid this as much as you can. Dark and clouded thoughts are a part of healing, the worst part. It's painful beyond words, and can only be experienced. It's hard not to feel pathetic and blame yourself for whatever the situation may be. Never put yourself down because someone else wasn't strong enough for you, you did not fail yourself, they failed you. All of these things are easier said than done, I know. But healing is different for everyone, we all take different steps and experience different emotions but there is only one end goal.
Healing takes time, you can't rush the process. This is something I tell myself every morning now. I wake up checking if I feel better than the day before, trying to track my progress but then i remind myself that it is okay not to be okay. Try to find short term goals to help you reach your peak of happiness again. After my heartbreak, mine became reaching maximum level of self-love and focusing on myself. Exercise your mind and rid the negativity and pain by surrounding yourself with yourself. Love your form, your mind, your heart and treat it kindly, since God knows it has been through so much. Venture out and try things that you would've never done, distract yourself with things that only bring you happiness. Love yourself and be kind to the beautiful person that is you. No one can take away your happiness, it's always been there it might just take a little while to come out of temporary hiding.
