Dear Santa Claus,

Hi. It’s me again. I know it’s been a while since I used to write letters to you, but sometimes through the teenage years, it gets hard to find a chance to sit down and write. But here I am, years later, wanting to believe in that same Christmas magic that I once did.

I used to write for you asking for games and toys; all of those material things used to put the biggest smile on my face on Christmas morning, and made me the happiest kid in the world. This year, though, I am not looking for a toy. I am not looking for something you can buy at the store, or even hold in your hands. It is not something that I will find under my Christmas tree, and it is not something I can see. All I need this year, Santa, is a small favor. With the holiday season well underway, I was hoping you could take a few minutes out of your busy schedule to help me out.

In the years that have passed since I last wrote to you, I have lost some very important people in my life. The people that would sit around on Christmas morning with me, watching me open presents, and get just as happy to give me some of them, as I was to receive them. These people are so very important to me and I can no longer reach them—they are in heaven.

As much as I wanted to sit here and write this letter asking you for them back, I know not even the biggest handful of Christmas magic would be able to do that. It would be so amazing to have my whole family together again for one more holiday, but I understand that is just too much to ask. So, instead, I have another request: if you could pass on this message to them I would very much appreciate it:

Please thank them for all of the childhood memories that they have given me. We may not be able to make any more, but I am lucky enough to be able to relive the memories that they have left behind. I can laugh about them, and sometimes even shed a tear, but without their huge presence in my life, I would not have all of those wonderful things to look back on over the years.

Please thank them for the people that they have put into my life. I may not have my grandparents surrounding me anymore, but they raised some of the best people that I could ask for, that I get to call mom, dad, aunt, and uncle. I do not know what I would do without them, and there aren’t enough gifts in the world I could give them to prove to them how much they really mean to me.

Please thank them for spoiling the heck out of me every holiday when they were around. It has taught me how amazing it feels to receive such thoughtful gifts, and has made me into the type of person who now gets more joy out of giving than receiving. As a little kid, you are so naïve to how great the look on your face is when you open up that perfect gift, but as you grow, it becomes something that can bring out the most happiness in your heart.

And lastly, please thank them for their presence in my life. I may not have been ready for them to go when they did, but I can honestly say I never really would have been ready. However, as terrible as it is to miss someone, missing someone also means that they were a really positive person in your life. It is important to remember to stay thankful that we have a reason to miss them in the first place, and that missing them only comes when they have touched our heart in the most perfect way. Because of their presence, I would not be the person I am today. I am blessed to know I have a piece of their soul with me wherever I go.

Santa, I know this may not be a traditional wish, but if you can pass on this message I will be forever grateful. The holidays are never the same losing the people that you love, but having their spirit live on through those who are still around is a pretty amazing thing. I would love it if all of my angels up in heaven knew how thankful I was for them. Although the holidays are not like the used to be, I am so happy to have the memories that I have.

I know I may be older now, but I still believe that Christmas magic exists, and I still believe that the holidays bring out unconditional love in people. My loved ones who have passed were some of the most loving people I was lucky enough to know (even if I only got to know them for a little while). The best gift I can think to give this Christmas is a gift back to them, full of the unconditional love that they once gave to me and my family. As a result, being able to do that would also be the best gift to receive in return. That is truly all that I want this year.

Love always,

The same little girl you used to hear from (just a little bit older now)