Growing up in the Catholic Church, I was taught a lot of things. I was in Sunday school for the majority of my childhood. I went to church every Saturday evening with my Grandmother along with my mom and my sister. As a little kid, of course, I complained. I would have much rather been outside in the mud getting dirty, but I was told that it was sort of a responsibility to go to church every weekend. There is a lot that goes into being a Catholic like confession, the sacraments, and their very traditional views of the Bible and its messages.

I'm not saying that growing up Catholic was a bad thing. It wasn't, not even close. I had a huge family that I love very much, I had people surround me that cared about me even if they weren't family. St. Charles was the only Catholic church in the little town that I grew up in, so everyone knew everything about everyone. I lost my two front teeth and everyone knew about it before Saturday night mass. We were a very tight-knit group of people. It sometimes felt like the whole church was one, big, giant family coming together for Sunday dinner. The friendships that I made will never go away. Growing up, when making the sacraments you usually had to have a sponsor, well my sponsor was my best friend. He was there through all the steps that I had to go through to get closer to God in my faith. He supported me when I was struggling to understand the traditions that we practiced. One year, we had given up the same item for Lent "so we can struggle together and we can also help each other" he told me.

A lot of the time when I mention being Catholic, people have some sort of comment. When they did make a comment, I had no qualms about sticking up to them, some days that got me in trouble. Some of the comments were along the lines of "Oh man how about those priests" or "Wow you guys sit and stand a lot." Well, I'm not going to deny the sitting and standing part because it gets real annoying real quick. Any comment that anyone made didn't stop me from believing in my faith, you could say that it made me stronger and want to go to church even more. As I got older that changed quite a bit.

Like normal, I made my First Communion and then my Confirmation. I didn't really start objecting on my own until right before I started my Confirmation classes. It was then that I realized I didn't really believe in the same things that the Church did. My mom really forced the issue when she made me make my Confirmation. Of course, I eventually did it, but I hated every moment of it, and I began to resent my mom for making me do it. After I made my Confirmation, my mom left it up to me to choose to go to church, she wasn't going to make me go anymore. "You had all the information I could put in your hand to make an informed decision about your faith, there were things about your faith you would learn when you made your Confirmation that I couldn't teach you."

Don't get me wrong, they made the classes as fun as they could. I made a lot of friends and learned quite a lot about my faith that I didn't know. Some I agreed with, some I didn't, and believe me, my opinions changed so many times I lost count a long time ago, but the churches opinions and beliefs didn't. That's what got the ball rolling.

I'm sitting here writing this as a freshman in college. Have I been to church since I made my Confirmation when I was a junior in high school? No, not really. I just hate sitting and standing all the time, (insert the most sarcastic tone you can muster here) I haven't gone in that long because I chose not to. I'm still a good person, I'm kind, and you will never feel uncomfortable in my house. Does it mean I'm going to Hell? I don't know, that's up to God. Does it mean that I don't believe in God? No, I believe there is a God and that he will show up when we need him the most. Does that mean I don't pray anymore? No, I pray every day for multiple reasons. Growing up in the Catholic faith has helped shape me into the person I am, mixed with my own opinions, it will always be a big part of my life and I wouldn't change that even if I could, but I don't identify as Catholic anymore. I felt like a fish out of water.

I had long discussions with my mom about this, and she has been nothing but supportive of me and I couldn't thank her enough. Although she doesn't agree with my choices, she said it was my decision. "I hope that one day you find your way back, that you can be at peace with yourself." To be honest, I don't think I have ever felt more at peace than I do now.