From grade school all the way throughout high school, growing up as a Filipina in a less diverse neighborhood always made me the odd one out of my friends. My ethnicity has never ostracized me from my peers, but it definitely made it difficult to fit in and defeat racially insensitive stereotypes. I've learned to accept this with some time and maturing, but I have to admit I was pretty ecstatic about going to NJIT, one of the more diverse colleges in the nation. Finally, a place where I can maybe have a chance to blend in and be accepted, right? Except once I got there I found myself still feeling distant from everyone. Why is that?

In my immediate household, my family holds Filipino traditions close to heart. My parents immigrated to the US in their mid-20’s and I was born in Jersey City a couple years later. At the time, Jersey City wasn’t the safest place to live in so my parents worked hard to move into a more suburban area of New Jersey.

I know it was hard for them to assimilate into this new community because back in Jersey City they had their family and more Filipinos resided there as well. Whereas in the new town we lived in, let’s just say Asians were more of a commodity. Despite being what seemed like the only Filipino family in town, my parents kept the culture alive at home by making Filipino food every day, watching Filipino channels on TV, and speaking Bisaya (a specific dialect which differs a bit from Tagalog).

Ever since I can remember my parents always reiterated the fact that I should be proud to be a Filipina and that I should work hard in school because being a minority is tough in this country. Now, I did not fully understand this concept because I just thought my dad was being silly. This is America, a country built of different cultures! Except, he was 100 percent right, being a minority can be significant challenge, something I didn’t quite notice until I was in high school.

All my friends up until sophomore year of high school were of American-Italian descent, so I was naturally the odd girl out. I started to notice how different I was when I saw my friends interacting with their parents a lot differently than I did (parents and their children can be friends?!), when I ate different foods than them at home, and when they would simply just point out the fact that I was a Filipina. I didn't share the same type of lifestyles they had, and I had to admit, the realization made me very ashamed of who I was.

Luckily, I had a very positive experience with my friends. They never had any malice in their hearts and it made me happy that they accepted someone so different into their lives. They were naturally curious about my culture and my parents were very accommodating with letting associate with them. Of course there have been some instances where they thought I lost my culture because I was acting more like my peers, but they just came to realize that that was part of me growing up. Nine times out of 10, when my mom made Filipino food my friends would enjoy it, even so much as to bring some home to their parents to try out.

However, this wasn’t always the case. I was fairly smart in school and I would often get teased about it because I was Asian. No real harm there, everyone knows the whole stereotype of Asians being smart, ha ha ha. Nonetheless, it made me upset because I never got the credit for working hard to receive those grades, I just lived up to a stereotype. It was because of these differences I started to feel really left out from everyone just because I was so different. I couldn’t relate to anyone else’s culture and certainly did not blend in. I was fortunate enough to not have arrogant friends and not be bullied for being different but for a while I actually craved having other Asian friends that I could relate to and share my struggles with.

Fast forward to my sophomore year in high school, half the color guard team I was part of was practically Asian. After countless hours of practice and quality hangout time they soon became part of my family. I was ecstatic to have this group of friends because some of them were Filipino and I wasn't the odd one out for once! I definitely felt like I could try fit in, but there was something in me that felt like I was couldn't truly be a part of this group. At one point I began a huge argument in my head deciding whether I should stick around these people because it just felt wrong.

"Melanie, they're your friends and you feel like you belong, what's wrong with you? - Oh yeah, you share nothing in common with them. You don't even embrace your culture the same way they do"

Yes, that's where I lost my own argument. As much as I tried to make myself believe that I embraced and exhibit my Filipino culture, I never did as much as my friends did. In fact, they embraced the whole of Asian culture way more than I even could. I spent so many years growing up trying to fit in with my other friends I've lost sight of what my culture was besides the food and language. I never bothered to expand past that and truly emerge myself into this life because I thought it was the one thing that kept me from making friends.

Then I started resenting that culture as a whole. I found myself hating anything Asian because it was such a stark reminder that I could never fit into the two worlds I've blended into all my life. I was ashamed of myself for not being "Filipino enough" after so many years of being "not American enough" I eventually grew out of this hate, but it definitely left a scar in my heart that I can never simultaneously be either culture.

Fast forward into college, I attend probably one of the most diverse universities in the nation and here I am trying to figure out where I belong. Luckily on this campus, there is a myriad of cultures blending together and because diversity was embraced, I knew I wasn't going to have a problem feeling different. I wasn't specifically looking out for a group to hang out with (I actually had a pretty difficult time making friends to begin with), but I did become acquainted with a few people within my first semester. Then, after some time I was teased with the fact that "I act 'white.' What the hell is that even supposed to mean?

Let's get one thing straight before I go on: My university does not promote any type of hate towards anyone with a different ethnic background. In fact, they wholly embrace the diversity and it's one of the most beautiful things about our community.

So, when I was faced with this comment I was utterly shocked. Not only because I grew up in a suburban neighborhood and had primarily white friends, but because I also do not fit the stereotype of whatever Asian, I was finally labeled something completely else. I never thought my upbringing and how I act would create such a stark difference to the people I thought would understand my background more than anyone else. Though meant with no harm, the term "acting white" broke my heart. It's a terrible way to describe a minority based on what they expected a social group to act.

I was appalled that this was even a thing. I never tried to act like anything I wasn't, I was just being myself but I was judged harshly because I didn't fit a stereotype. I acted so out of my cultural standards that I was described with a term that related to behaviors only white people are supposed to exhibit, apparently. I didn't take it as an insult or a compliment, but I knew it was not a good thing to be called. I am a Filipino-American woman who does well in school, lived in a nice neighborhood, diversified my friends group over the years, and exemplified both cultures.

All my life I've juggled being the only Filipina in the group with being the Filipina that didn't act like a Filipina, a Filipina that acted "white." As confusing as that may be, I've grown to accept these labels. I absolutely embrace my Filipino culture, but because of how and where I was brought up, I tried my hardest to fit into American culture. After almost 21 long years of living through it, I’ve come to accept it and being at a really diverse school definitely helps with that.

As any first generation American, transitioning between the home life of one culture, and the American culture experienced in school, work, and the rest of my life is extremely challenging. Through my experiences, however, I've learned to embraced both of my cultures and realized that even though I may not entirely fit into either, I, and many other young adults, are becoming the bridge that gaps different worlds together in order to make America even more culturally diverse than it already is. This is only the tip of the iceberg; as civil rights movements push on and a more progressive America develops, through time and a few generations from now, we will be seeing such a culturally diverse country that has never been seen in any other historical period.

Let my experience and my struggle to be a reminder that it 100 percent okay to be culturally diverse. It is something to be embraced in order to move on as a country and love together. Because of my experiences I hate that term "acting white." There is no such thing as acting any type of culture unless done traditionally. That term should not be the defining factor of a person's culture based on social expectations. The more this term is used the more I get disappointed that people are still trying to divide rather to work together in this country.

We need to be a country that works past these dividers and progress as an accepting nation. Next time you racially profile someone based on the way they look, act, or on their upbringing, just remind yourself that there is more to a person.