As a frustrated high schooler, I found myself (like many of us do) constantly pushing toward creating this edgy, standoffish image for myself. I pushed it for so many years that even I began to believe in the image I'd projected. Among the most obvious ways I went about this was through the music I listened to. From seventh grade up to my Freshman year of college, I listened, almost exclusively, to different forms of Heavy Metal and attempted to make it part of my image. I wore the black shirts, had an antagonistic attitude, and was the worst music elitist I've ever known in person. In short, I was in a difficult and unpleasant point in my life, and I used more aggressive music as my way of coping with that. Of course, it's always acceptable to help work through things by taking in or creating art, but my problem was a little different: This music wasn't representative of me or, as I'd soon realize, even what I liked.

Don't worry, I'm not claiming that music made me a bad person or anything like that. That would be absurd. Nor am I implying that Metal or any of its subgenres are inherently negative. Instead, I'm saying that that's the role it served for me for many years.

It wasn't until midway through my Freshman year of college that this taste started to shift as I did as a person. Starting around this time, two things happened: 1) My best friend (now partner) had me watch the music video for Maroon 5's "Animals" because she thought it was strange. Much to her shock, I fell in love with the song and downloaded the album shortly thereafter. 2) I discovered Game Grumps and began watching them regularly. Through them, I found out about the bands they're part of (Starbomb and Ninja Sex Party) and they hooked me. Shortly thereafter, I bought both my partner and myself Taylor Swift's album that released that year because I'd shockingly really enjoyed the first single.

From then on, there was really no turning back for me. It wasn't until the beginning of my Sophomore year at college that I'd really dropped my previous tastes nearly altogether. Between being introduced to the musical Hamilton and getting even more into more optimistic, upbeat bands like Tupper Ware Remix Party, Daft Punk, and Ninja Sex Party, the more aggressive alternatives simply stopped being appealing to me and who I'd grown into as a person. And even as I think about it more, I likely would have even enjoyed the music I do now if I'd been able to drop the curtain to try some new things musically in the years before college.

It's not that I actively dislike the music I used to listen to. I don't. In fact, I still really appreciate its qualities and merits, but it just doesn't work for me, as the person I am, anymore. I never listened to music at that tie to make myself feel better. Instead, I used it to reinforce that I wasn't alone in the negative things I was already feeling. For a more specific contrast, I used to be in love with Iced Earth's song "Divide Devour" which is more or less, about the fictional destruction of mankind as punishment for their negative deeds and qualities. My favorite song right now, however, is a new song by TWRP called "Body Image". As opposed to pointing out the negative qualities of people, this song is completely about acceptance (as the title suggests) and feeling better about oneself. And that's what I seek out now. Something to make me feel better about people, myself, and life in general rather than something that reminds me of the negative parts of the world.

Again, I can't fault anyone for the kind of art they enjoy or what kind resonates with them. I've experienced and loved countless dfferent things always the years. At this point in my life, however, something funky and optimistic helps make each day easier.