“So, where are you from?”
I get this question so often when I meet new people that I’ve come up with several responses, all of which range from answers to what they’re really asking me (my ethnicity) to the most sarcastically wrong ones. Depending on the day, I either tell them the full story about how I’m Korean but I was born in the United States of America or I tell them that I’m from Colorado (which technically isn’t a lie but it’s also not what they’re asking me).
Growing up Korean in a predominantly white neighborhood gave way to a culture clash that defined the way that I lived my life at school and at home; at school, I was basically a white kid in a Korean girl’s body. At home, I was just like any other Korean kid, living under the strict rules of my parents (who grew up in a traditional Korean household) and blind obedience. I felt like I was living two separate lives as two different people; at any given moment, I could only be one or the other because out in the real world, I could only ‘fit in’ if I was ‘white’ but at home, I had to fit into what my parents wanted me to be. This continuous struggle essentially led to an identity crisis.
The person I wanted to be was a mix of both cultures. I wanted to be Korean American because I felt like that was the best way to describe me. I’m proud of who I am and who I’ve become and that can be attributed to both cultures. But, each culture demanded my full attention and I couldn’t find a way to mesh both together. In modern society, everyone talks about equal rights and free speech but at home, those didn’t exist. My opinions came off as “talking back” and my emotions came off as “disrespectful.” What ended up happening was the unintentional development of my “chill” vibe/personality and thus was born the Andrea Kim that the outside world knew but she wasn’t necessarily who I wanted to be.
Granted, I quickly learned my manners and I learned how to be respectful and responsible at a young age, but I missed out on other things that my peers were doing on their free time. While I was stuck at home unable to go out during high school because I was focusing on schoolwork and lacrosse, my friends were going out and having fun. They went to parties and football games and just had a good time with one another. I envied them so much that I started resenting my parents’ philosophy. I went through a phase of being completely rebellious because that was the only way I could internally justify my situation and in my mind, “balance things out.” These series of actions led to a decline in mutual trust and eventually a damaged relationship between me and my parents.
Again, that was a phase. My parents and I compromised and found a decent middle-ground that has been working for all of us this past year. Our relationship has gotten so much better and healthier which can be attributed to both my going off to college and my more solidified identity development. I feel like I’ve matured more and I’ve started to figure out who I want to be and what I want to do with my life and I’ve finally figured out a way to healthily balance out these two cultures that seemingly had nothing in common. Hopefully the independence that I’ll gain in college will only strengthen the relationship between my parents but also continue to solidify my identity and confidence in being Korean American.
