“Yes I’m changing, yes I’m gone.”
Many Tame Impala fans are familiar with this relatable lyric, quoted from the aptly titled, “Yes I’m Changing.” From this song’s release in my sophomore year of high school, I’ve undergone many physical changes. For time’s sake, it’s a good thing that I’ve made smoky eyes and oxblood lips a thing of the past, but my metamorphosis has proven to be much more than skin deep.
Simply reminiscing over the past semester and a half, I have noticed significant differences in my attitude, demeanor, and outlook on life. The initial rush of rapid and random socializing from freshman acclimation has died down, so now I have found a somewhat settled space. I no longer speak the same words, do the same things, or hang with the same people that I used to.
A recent conversation with a hometown friend brought up an interesting highlight when she broke the facade of small talk with a simple statement, “You’ve changed.” An uncomfortable silence was my only response.
While initially I felt somewhat hurt and confused by the statement, I realized the truth of the matter. I no longer share the same interests as some of my high school friends. We’ve all gained new passions and aspirations, shaping our plans accordingly.
So honestly, yes I have changed.
A lot of the small talk and home gossip that used to appeal to my high school crowd no longer holds any weight or importance to me. While I still indulge in the occasional frivolity, a lot of my old habits have become trivial and outdated to my current lifestyle.
The key term here is “current,” as my passions and purposes are constantly fluid, especially in this pivotal season of life. Now I’ve realized that the proper answer to her statement is a reaffirming response as yes, I am changing. Even my friends here at Emory have noticed the shift in my attitude and behavior. My first semester at Emory was a whirlwind of new scenes, new opportunity, and ultimately new responsibility. As these acclimations took their toll on me, I struggled to maintain some of the positive attitudes that I used to have at home. It seemed that my life only revolved around specific school-related goals. Where my personality had once shined through, I slowly began to fade.
Towards the end of the semester, as I learned how to balance my life and responsibility, I became more active on campus and in my community. Joining clubs and going to events made me feel more like my old self at first, yet I realized that the person I had thought myself to be was gone.
My original sense of self was still there, but some of my core values had evolved for the sake of my happiness. The thoughts of external success had slowed down, as I became more focused on self-fulfillment and deeper connections to the world around me. I’m more honest with myself and the people I care about when it comes to things that truly matter to me.
While I’m far from perfect and definitely not complete, I do feel more content with who I am as a person and what I strive for in life. Definitions no longer confine me, feeling no longer consume me, and everything has become a spectrum of intensity. It’s safe to say that I don’t have everything figured out, but as I continue to change, I am realizing that it’s okay.
