Do you ever have those days...or weeks where you cannot physically bring yourself to leave your bed? Those times where you isolate yourself from everyone you love? Those times where you have to piece yourself back together? I'm sure that at least one or more applied to some of you — and that is okay. Being seventeen and dealing so frequently with my mental health can take its toll, but through my experiences, I have learned so much about myself and the world I live in. I may be seventeen, but my perspective and voice should be heard.
https://blog.casper.com/go-sleep-early-youre-used-staying-late/
I am no stranger to the world of therapists and psychiatrists, having gone to five therapists and psychiatrists throughout my entire life. It started out with anger management after my parents had divorced, but it had quickly evolved into more severe problems. Over the course of mere years, my anger had grown to anxiety and depression.
My mental health hit is lowest just a few months ago when the pressures of trying to be the perfect daughter, captain, and student became too much. I was tired of living for everyone else in my life and not myself. I realize this all sounds like a bad teen angst movie, but it is the reality. In fact, in 2013 diagnoses of anxiety and depression in teenagers rose forty-seven percent.
http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2018/sep/19/paying-attention-to-teen-depression/
My reality was living every day and just wanting to do something for myself, but continuously putting the needs of others before my own. On March 6th, I was admitted to an inpatient facility for attempted suicide. This is my first time publicly broadcasting that fact, and I can feel the weight lift off of my shoulders. As much as I would like to say that I hated every second of being there and not with my family, friends, or girlfriend would be a lie. Yes, I did miss the people I cared for, but the facility gave an environment where I only had to worry about myself and that was the greatest gift I have ever received.
I wanted to leave this world so badly. I saw no hope — nothing to cling onto for myself. Then, somewhere along my nine-day sabbatical from the outside world, I realized that I had never even given myself a chance. I am not living, and for the first time in a long time, I feel hope and I can see my future beginning to form. What helped me was realizing that my past does not define me, I do not deserve to hurt, and that I am worthy of every bit of goodness and love that I put into the world.
I cannot speak of other's experiences, but I can share with those who are reading this that it is not impossible to pick yourself up. It is not impossible to spend genuine time with your loved ones. It is not impossible to get out of bed. All it takes is a little self-love and a lot of work, and I truly hope everyone can get there.
https://twitter.com/selflove_club
To end, I would like to formally introduce myself. I am Jasmine, I am seventeen, and I am growing from the mud. I am going to take control of my future and achieve, and I believe you all can too.
