Lately, I have been thinking way too much (dangerous, I know) about who I was in high school, and even in my first couple years of college. Obviously, we know growing up and changing happens to all of us as we move through these different chapters in our lives. There are times where we lose a sense of time and move from day to day doing the same routine; class, work, bed, eat, and repeat. There is no stopping the fastest machine; the human body. This slew of habits becomes us, and we do not slow down and try to think of where we came from, where we are heading or what will happen if we don't appreciate life.

These thoughts have been flooding my brain, making me contemplate whether or not the decisions I have made were worth it. Maybe I could have saved those friendships that fell apart, or maybe I could have studied harder, tried to be better. Yet, the past is the past, move on, just don't forget where you came from. As thinking back to high school, I remember my best friends I was with all the time, day in and day out, and how we were inseparable and couldn't be stopped. I truly believed that these people would be at my wedding in the future, but now I don't even know if they are okay or how their family is doing. I couldn't go a week without them, and now I don't even have a passing thought about them. Growing up sucks, it's weird and disappointing to a fault. We made decisions, on both sides of the wall, to either keep our distance or try to stay in touch, but we layered the bricks one by one, day by day, to not talk or communicate. I hope you are all doing well, those reading this, and I hope your old friends are okay as well.

Another thought I had, was when did it become senior year and law school approach so quickly? There seems to be no time between starting the school year and graduating, heading to adulthood real fast. People said high school would be the fastest four years of my life. I never believed them and now I'm just one day, one week, closer to ending my undergraduate career of college. This isn't happening, there is no way I need to apply to another set of schools, that I need to take more tests and go on to more education. My life is going by insanely fast, and I know my friends are thinking the same thing, they just won't admit it. Admitting it means it is actually happening, and we don't want to face that just yet.

For me, growing up and furthering my education, becoming more of an adult, means my younger brother is also. Nothing makes you feel older than thinking about someone younger also growing up to be just as much as an adult as you are. My brother and I just had a conversation the other day, he is looking at furthering his education after culinary school and it took me a second not to cry at the thought that he is getting older too. We hope to move to the same area for school and then live together, but imagining my own apartment is horrifying, I have to pay real bills and get real insurance and all that crap. My friends here are talking about graduate school, looking at full-time jobs following graduation, becoming something better than they are. That is the ultimate goal; to become someone you would have looked up to as a child. As much as growing up sucks, and is scary and terrifying, it is also new, amazing and eye-opening. These changes that are shaping us are here to show us there is more out there than just ourselves.