Gritty Reboots of Your Childhood
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Gritty Reboots of Your Childhood

The dark origin stories and reboots of your favorite childhood shows.

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Gritty Reboots of Your Childhood

If you need proof that Hollywood has completely run out of movie ideas, look no further than "Power Rangers", which is expected to be a dark reboot of the '90s children's franchise to be released in March of next year.

I can't see how it can be anything but terrible, but as we've learned from films like the "Transformers" franchise, movies don't have to be good for them to make obscene amounts of money. So as long as we're stuck in the seemingly eternal era of weird, nostalgia-fueled gritty reboots and origin stories, allow me to suggest a few that Hollywood might overlook.

If you have design skills, feel free to make us some movie posters for these ideas.

"The Magic School Bus"

Imagine a dark sci-fi universe in which Ms. Frizzle is an interdimensional-traveling-space witch with a transforming magical bus, using her classroom as a training ground for young assassins. Sigourney Weaver as Ms. Frizzle recalls the early days of her earthly mission in which her lizard, Liz, is kidnapped by the overlord of a distant galaxy (Johnny Depp). Frizzle and her young band of child mercenaries board the Magic School Bus (voiced by Michael Cain) and set out on the rescue mission of a lifetime.

Director: Ridley Scott

Tagline: Get Frizzled

"Clifford The Big Red Dog"

Do you remember this beloved PBS show about a little girl that adopts a big red dog named Clifford? Have you ever wondered exactly where Clifford came from? Well, it turns out his red exterior isn’t adorable, it’s hellish. In this Matt Reeves adaptation, Clifford is a hell hound that has been unleashed upon the New England area. Emily Grace, a young girl whose puppy was hit by a car, makes a deal with Satan to bring her puppy back to life. Little did she know, her puppy would grow in the three-story red terror Clifford. Will Emily Grace be able to save her hometown by loving Clifford into submission, or will he crush the bodies and souls of the quaint New England town? Be thrilled by voice actors such as Al Pacino portraying Clifford and Steve Buscemi as T-bone.

Director: Matt Reeves

Tagline: Man’s best friend will be their end

"Arthur"

This classic staple of our childhoods gets a quirky twist by director Wes Anderson. Audiences will see the angsty teen years of this beloved Aardvark, played by Michael Cera. Arthur's overbearing parents, played by Owen Wilson and Tilda Swinton, provide him with plenty of growing pains, not to mention his transgender sister DW (Edward Norton). We see Arthur at school interacting with Principal Ratburn (Jason Swartsman) and hanging out with his best friend Buster (Jude Law). The gang’s all here in this soon-to-be classic coming-of-age story.

Director: Wes Anderson

Tagline: Even Aardvarks have problems

"Dora The Explorer"

This M. Night Shyamalan-directed think-piece follows the story of Dora (Mila Kunis) and Boots (Jacob Tremblay) as they realize that their world may not be what it seems. The duo discovers a world outside of their computer mouse-controlled existence and plans a daring escape as Swiper (Jesse Eisenberg) does everything in his power to undermine their efforts. Backpack and Map (Danny Trejo, Jonah Hill) join Dora and Boots as they plot to defeat their cybernetic overlords.

Director: M. Night Shyamalan

Tagline: Atrapado.

"Blues Clues"

This educational shows gets a murder mystery twist. Steve (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is a homicide detective who has been chasing down a notorious serial killer (Jared Leto) who escapes into the world of a children’s cartoon. Steve must go into the Blue-niverse to save them from the raving killer. Aided by Blue (Shailene Woodley), Steve tracks down the clues to find Leto. This cross-dimensional murder mystery will hold you in suspense the whole time.

Directed: Robert Zemeckis

Tagline: Blue Skadoo, I can too

"Thomas the Tank Engine"

In this post-apocalyptic universe run by sentient machinery, Thomas and his friends rise up against their neo-Communist slave-driver, Sir Topham Hat (Danny DeVito) as they discover a sinister plan. This dark, action-packed reboot, starring Christian Bale as Thomas, is sure to be off the rails.

Director: Henry Selick

Tagline: The little engine that will.

"Cat-Dog"

It was every kid's favorite Saturday morning cartoon back in 1998, but we're old now. We're to the point of wondering just exactly how this monstrosity happened. Turns out, Cat-Dog (voiced by Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick, respectively) is the result of a “Human Centipede”-esque medical experiment. The survival story that led to the beloved odd-couple cartoon will answer the questions you never wanted to be answered in the first place.

Director: Tim Burton

Tagline: Their bite is twice as bad as their bark

"Barney"

What really goes on after school? A series of mysterious child disappearances leads police back to the elementary school, where a review of security footage reveals that the seemingly innocuous stuffed purple dinosaur is hiding a sinister secret. The discovery of a malevolent spirit sends the investigators on a terrifying journey into secrets of the occult and a race against time and the forces of evil. Anna Gunn plays the role of the lead investigator in this terrifying look at the “magic” behind the dinosaur from our imagination.

Director: Oren Peli (of “Paranormal Activity”)

Tagline: I love you, you love me...

"Bob the Builder"

Can he build it? Yes, he can! And by "it" we mean devices of terrorism. Bob (Denzel Washington) is a down-on-his-luck construction worker. Separated from his wife, Wendy (Robin Wright), and laid off from construction, Bob constructs a terrorist plot on the headquarters of the construction firm. His schizophrenia gives voices to all of his tools (Bob Odenkirk, Meryl Streep, Aaron Paul). Hold on to your hard-hats in this suspense thriller as Bob tries to build his greatest accomplishment: revenge.

Director: David Fincher

Tagline: Can he build it? Yes he can!

"Dragon Tales"

Emmy (Jillian Estelle) and Max (Jayden Smith) discover a mysterious object hidden in their parents’ room, which sends them into a magical realm populated by dragons. All is not well in Dragon Land, as an evil tyrant (Hugh Jackman) plots to take over and extinguish the dragon race. This CGI-driven action-packed fantasy launches you into a world of fantastic creatures, mysterious magic and dark secrets just waiting to be uncovered.

Director: James Cameron

Tagline: I wish, I wish with all my heart...

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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