What are the right words to describe grief? I don't think there any "right" words.
The simple truth about grief is that it’s hard.
Grief is not a nice walk on the beach because it hits you when you least expect it. Grief is different for everyone. Maybe you're going through the five stages of grief, or maybe you're like me, and some days I feel like I’m grieving harder than others.
Some days I’m very aware that my loved ones aren’t here anymore, and other days I know it, but it doesn’t feel as overwhelming or immense. I think grief feels immense because it comes with feelings of loneliness and emptiness. Where do I put this love? Someone once told me that the emptiness can’t be filled because this person took up a place in your heart and all you can do is try and heal from it.
I would watch movies and TV shows where characters grieved and they would stop their lives. I never understood why and believed I wouldn't stop my life if it happened, I would keep moving. I understand now. I foolishly tried to stick to my young words and would pride myself on being able to move on.
If you take anything from this, don’t plow through. It’s okay to take your time and let it stop you for a while because the hardest part of grief is realizing the world doesn’t stop when yours does. Life moves on outside, while your hurting on the inside.
It’s okay for you to stop for a while and not move with it.
I wish I stopped for a while, but the more immediate things seemed more important like, school. However, grief hurts and avoiding the emptiness of it doesn't do you any good. Grief isn't absent of love, it's full of it. Where else do you put those feelings of longing and love. It involves the crushing realities that the people you love aren't on this earth anymore. It's sad and wipes you off your feet.
I was driving to get Mexican food with my friends and as I passed the street that my uncle lived on, I got excited telling them how he lived there. Immediately, grief hit me like a truck… he doesn’t live there anymore. With school I always felt like there weren’t enough hours in a day to get everything done, but sometimes it feels like you didn’t have enough time with who your grieving for, whether they died young, middle of their life, or were old.
These are the feelings and emotions I’ve been going through. I want to take a moment to commend those of you who are grieving and still moving.
It’s unfair and it hurts, but you’re still standing.
I am still standing. I want you to know that this is going to take time. There is going to be ups and downs, and unfortunately your not going to miraculously feel better one day. It takes times and let’s be real, I don’t love to be patient. All I know is that I have to continue my life, but still acknowledge my grief and sadness. I had to change my attitude from wondering why God took my loves away to realizing the privilege it was to “matter” to them.
The last thing I want you to know is that you don’t have to grief alone.Life has a way of being cruel on a moment's notice, and you might need people to help you.
But take your time, keep breathing, and grieve in your own way.
