The pain may subside, but it never truly leaves. It can become violent and calm all in the same breath.

I don’t understand it.

You would assume that, if you have felt that pain for so long… That you would gain somewhat of an idea of what grief really is, and “who” it is. It makes unwanted and wanted visits to me fairly frequently. I invite it in, and I also wish it would just leave.

I miss it sometimes when it is gone.

When the grief was fresh, I once reached the point where I felt like my grief was my only friend. The only thing that I could ever expect to feel for the rest of my life. At the time, I was unsure how long my life would be. If my grief hasn’t killed me yet, it won’t be the cause of my death. I depended on the pain at times, just because it meant I was alive. If you feel something, that means you’re living. The dead don’t feel. They’re sleeping with no nightmares. Just exceeding joy. Not only because the grief is gone, but they have fallen asleep in Christ. He is the only remedy for grief.

I was holding onto my grief as if it was the person(s) that I had lost.

I was and I am still very insulted by the statements, “Move on.” And, “Your parents wouldn’t want you to feel this way.” Well, first of all, thank you for the obvious and irrelevant comments. They were my parents. I know them. They are a part of me. They created me. I am a part of them. I am who I am because of who they were. I know what they would say to me. You don’t have to tell me. That doesn’t make the pain any easier to endure. It makes me want to be enveloped within it even more. I am literally incapable of moving on. I physically, mentally, and emotionally cannot and will not move on. I’ll move on when I’m ready. So, please, stop.

My life revolves around remembering memories that I desperately wish that I could relive. Not by the approval of human beings.

This world is not my home. The place where I want to be has no pain, and my loved ones are there waiting for me. I will not go there until I am called home. That is not my choice, but my grief is my choice. Not anyone else’s choice.

No one will ever understand your grief, but you…because it’s YOUR GRIEF.

If I have a hard enough time trying to understand my own grief… What makes you think that I am going to let you tell me that you understand?

Here’s the unintended harsh point: you don’t. You never will. You can’t.

This is my grief. Not yours.

Everyone deals with their grief differently. No way is wrong or invalid. Some people wallow in it, some ignore it, but all simply feel it.

Just please, don’t let it consume you.

Your grief does not define you–unless you let it define you. You feel controlled by the chains of emotions it brings, but you can break them.

Time means nothing when it comes to grief. It will fade and reappear. Again and again. Keep your head above the waves, and stay alive.

Stay alive, and grieve healthily.

- Claire Elizabeth Keller