My grandfather died on December 24, 2017. I miss him every day.

Grief changes holidays.

When the holiday season comes along, I get sad. Don't get me wrong, I love hot chocolate, apple cider, and holiday cookies, but it just isn't the same anymore. I associate Christmas Eve with his death. It's hard not to.

Grief gets a little less painful with time, but it's still hard. My grandfather was a huge part of my life. I try to smile and have holiday cheer, but please don't judge me if it's a little harder. In fact, a lot of people around you are probably dealing with grief too.

The holidays aren't about being happy. They are about spending time with the people you care about, and sometimes these people aren't around anymore. So I try to spend the holiday season remembering him and how amazing he was.

I refuse to let my grandfather's death ruin Christmas for me; in fact, he wouldn't want that. However, I know that I'm allowed to be sad and no one can tell me not to be sad.

I will always love Christmas, but it's just a little different now. And that's okay.