Sometimes the grieving process can be awkward and uncomfortable. When I lost my Mom people did not know how to approach me or how to help. It is not that people do not want to help; however, if you have never lost someone so close to you it can be difficult to know how to offer support.

Here are some things to know if you know someone who is struggling through the grieving process:

1. There will be good and bad days

When someone is experiencing a tragic loss and is going through the grieving period they will have good and bad days. They will have days when all they want to do is lay in bed and then they will have days when they are smiling, laughing and ready to go out for drinks. The week I returned to work- on my good days- I would hear, "Today you seem much better!" "I am happy to see you smiling today!" This would only remind me of my grief and make me feel guilty of being happy. Although we are grieving, remember we are still the same person as we were before our loved one passed. Comfort us on our bad days and treat us the same as before on our good days.

2. Let me cry

Let me cry. I need to cry. We as humans need to cry. Please do not try to make me stop crying. I need to grieve. I need to feel, make sense of my grief and make sense of why a beautiful soul would be taken away so soon.

3. All grief is different

After my mom died I received a lot of sympathy, love and support. People offered their thoughts and prayers. Some offered to talk because, "they've been through it too." While we want to extend our appreciation to those people, we also need to understand that every persons loss is different. Anticipatory grief helps to prepare us emotionally to deal with the loss that is to come. It gives us the opportunity to forgive and say "I love you" before it's too late. Sudden grief however does it. It leaves us with anger, depression and a feeling of loss. When my Mom died I was and still am only 24. All I could think and still think is how I didn't get to say goodbye, how she won't see me fall in love and get married and have my first child. When you know someone who lost a loved one suddenly try not to say, "I know how you feel." In all honestly, no one knows how another person feels.

4. Refrain from asking questions

When I returned to work there were a lot of questions. "What happened?" "Was your Mom sick?" "How old was she?" It's human nature to be curious, however, it can be painful and uncomfortable to talk about. If the person grieving wants to open up they will in time.

5. It'll be okay vs. It's okay that you are not okay

We are allowed to breakdown, cry ourselves to sleep and scream- we've had a loved one taken away from us. When a person is grieving and sad they don't need someone to tell them how it'll get better; they need someone to say how their feelings are validated. They need someone to say that they've been strong and that it's okay to not to be okay right now.

6. Grief does not happen right away

Every grieving person has their own timeline. Grief does not always start the day the loved one passes. For some it starts on that Sunday night dinner when that chair is empty. For others it doesn't happen until the birthday of the person who passed. Be sensitive and caring around a person who is grieving - you do not know what could ignite the emotional flame. The response could be lashing out, crying or isolation. One of the biggest misconceptions is that grief fades away. Every time I see a rose I start to cry because it was my Mother's favorite flower.

7. If you have memories- share them

Don't be afraid to share memories of the loved one that passed. Don't shy away from mentioning the person because you are afraid of upsetting your friend. Remembering can be helpful.

8. Commit

Take your friend out. Remind them there are still pleasures in life. When a person is grieving it can be hard to find happiness in life. Let your friend know you'd like to spend time with them, but if they'd like to be alone don't impose. Reaching out and letting them know you are there when they are ready is important. We all need a network of support.

9. Choose your words wisely

Neimeyer estimates, we should be listening about 80 percent of the time, but what do we say? Unfortunately "nothing we say will make the anguish of a death better, especially if it's a sudden loss," he says. If you do not know what to say, try listening for most of the conversation - especially if the bereaved is opening up. If you find then that you are responding with "Well at least," "It was God's plan," "She is in a better place," Think again. The matter of the fact is she is not in a better place. A better place would be with the bereaved. It's okay to not know what to say - being there to listen is what's important. Here are some things I have found more comforting:

~I know and am sorry you are hurting and I am here for you ~She sounded like a wonderful person who loved you very much ~I am sorry for your loss and hope you can find some comfort ~You are not alone, I am here for you in anyway you would like me to be

10. Stay connected

A person who is grieving may look fine on the outside but inside they are suffering. After the funeral, mourners leave, and the first week back at work are over, your support is more valuable than ever. Offer support on special days- holidays, anniversaries, birthdays. The grief lasts longer than most people expect. We may learn to accept the passing of a loved one but the sadness may never completely disappear.