1. Your shins will always be a different skin tone than the rest of your body.
The "tournament tan". Those shin guards are not doing you a favor. After years of playing soccer, you have probably given up hope on evening out your horrific soccer tan lines.
2. Some girls do not like Nike shoes.
Nike is so cute but they're also so skinny. For people with fat feet, they rip off your toenails and make breaking in cleats complete hell.
3. Buffalo Wild Wings is your go-to.
Buffalo Wild Wings is cheap and good AF so it makes the perfect place to stop in between tournament games. Also, for some reason, all soccer players are obsessed with chicken wings.
4. You think all other girls are annoying babies.
When other sports like softball and volleyball complain about their conditioning you literally just roll your eyes because their conditioning is probably your warm-up.5. You don't think a mile is that long of a run.
You run about seven miles during a soccer game so running a mile is literally like nothing. A mile isn't that bad unless you have to hit it in under seven minutes.
6. But you complain when you have to run one.
Even if you only have to run one lap around the track you still probably complain about it because soccer players are lazy at heart.
7. Doing your hair is a chore.
You do not understand how girls can do their hair every day for school. It takes so much time when throwing your hair up in a bun takes 20 seconds. The worst part, though, is when your ponytail breaks.
8. Dressing up is never fun.
You most likely asked if you could wear sweatpants to prom.
9. If you own jeans, you do not wear them.
Your thighs and calves are way too large to ever put them into jeans. If you can somehow squeeze yourself into jeans you probably can't walk.
10. You like men's deodorant more than women's.
Axe spray on deodorant could be used on your smelly armpits or it could be used to spray all over your jersey so you didn't have to wash it.
11. If a hotel doesn't have an ice machine it is a deal breaker.
You ate ice constantly while walking through the hotel chasing around the soccer boys that were there for the weekend.
12. Also, always get a hotel with a waffle maker.
There was nothing more disappointing when you wake up in the morning and you can't make yourself twelve waffles. You still manage to eat everything
13. You have the urge to body slam people when they do something rude.
In soccer when someone makes you mad you can just lower your shoulder and slam them into the ground. In real life, you can't do that, which is unfortunate.
14. You take a lot of heat for being a "grass fairy" yet you could beat most boys in sports.
All of the boys who aren't athletic enough to play soccer probably give you crap for playing it.
15. You do not have a memory.
Growing up you've probably taken a few head balls off the wrong part of your head. Or you've probably accidentally shoved your head into someone else's head... or the goal post.
16. You've most likely torn a few muscles or have broken a few bones.
Injuries will always happen.
17. The worst kind of nightmare you can have is when someone says, "Get on the line."
When you're running distance, at least you know when you get to stop. When you're running sprints it's a sign that your death is near.
18. You probably used to car paint your windows before tournaments.
"Go Kolping!!!! We are number 1!!! #18 #2!!" This is an example of what was probably painted all over your car. So annoying and extra but hey you didn't care. You also probably spray painted your hair for championship games.
19. You either played for Gallagher, or you hate them.
Gallagher has like seven billion teams and some are amazing, like the Elite team. Then when you go farther down they start running out of team names so you play like, "Gallagher Pink" or "Gallagher Alpha Academy Delta Squared". You've most likely played at least one Gallagher team in your life.
20. Your leg
muscles may be weak, but your leg muscles will never die.
You never had a reason to work out your arms, but your leg muscles were THICK.
21. Your parents liked tournaments more than you did.
They loved getting drunk at the hotel and if the hotel didn't allow alcohol (which some actually don't) they most likely just drank in the parking lot.
22. You hate shin guards more than you hate your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you.
Shin guards smell, they itch, they are big and bulky. They're annoying.
23. You purposely wore the same color shirts as the pennies your coach had so that you didn't have to wear one.
Pennies smelled almost as bad as shin guards even though your coach "washed" them.
24. You love peanut butter and icy hot.
Peanut butter was great to eat with just a spoon while you're on the road. Also, icy hot cures everything. Sore muscles? Icy hot. Cramping problems? Icy hot. Sprained ankle? Icy hot. You smell bad? Icy hot. Broken leg? Icy hot.
25. You always had that one teammate who could juggle really well and shoot pks, but they sucked at playing.
They were benched until the very end of overtime when they had to go in so they could take a penalty kick.
26. You believe that penalty kicks are the best way to win and the worst way to lose.
Winning in penalty kicks is super dramatic and fun, but losing it doesn't feel like you really lost. (Just kidding, the best way to win is in overtime.)
27. You have wanted to drop kick a ref in the face before.
There're refs that believe that they are "the show" and you've most likely gotten into an argument with a few of them before.
28. Your crap talking skills reached perfection by the end of your career.
It's not like in basketball where the refs can hear everything that you say. The field is huge and while the ball is on the other end of the field you've most likely called a girl some names, made fun of the way they moan when they get "hurt" or low key punched them.
29. You hate people who fake injuries on the field.
It's annoying when it happens every game then they are magically back on the field two minutes later.
30. You thought it was weird if teams would actually line up for handshakes after the game.
Lining up is for like first grade... right?
31. You have likely lost to a team that was horrible and that's all that they've talked about for like 10 years straight.
You all know that team that had one shot on goal at the beginning of the game that magically went in, then they dropped back into an all defense mode. Then when they won they celebrated it for ten years.
32. Your greatness was defined by the color of your cleats.
Your coach has likely said, "Stay close on the girl with yellow cleats." Then you think that's cool and you want to be the girl that other coaches talk about.
33. You've taped your shin guards onto your legs before and they still have fallen off.
You don't get the shin guards that latch onto your leg because those are itchy and huge. So you get the ones with the shin guard sleeves...then you lose the sleeves and have to tape them to yourself.
34. Your cleats smelled worse than a dying skunk.
Your parents have likely made you hold your cleats out the window while driving home.
35. On cold nights, you could see steam coming out of your breath.
You acted like you were smoking because it literally looked like smoke was coming out of your mouth.
36. Everyone else in your school thought you were incredibly athletic.
Gym class made you laugh at how incredibly awful everyone else was at sports.
37. You thought you were fat when you were little.
Your leg muscles were so much bigger than everyone else's...why?
38. WORLDCUP
The best game at practice ever. Ever.
39. Your coach separated you from your best friend on the team during scrimmaging.
Even though you always tried to convince him to put you on the same team he never did.
40. Your goalkeeper is your most prized possession.
If someone hurt your goalie you would hunt them down and run them over. No one touches your keeper. She is your lifesaver. Literally.
41. You've likely given the stink eye to some trashy parents.
Parents yell, but in soccer, they yell at the other team's twelve-year-old players. Crazy.
42. If you're hurt you just tape it up.
You can play through anything because sitting out isn't worth it sometimes. Plus icy hot exists.
43. You most likely rocked the thick headband and the side ponytail at one point.
This was a soccer player trend. You put a thick headband across your forehead then you put your ponytail on top of your ear.
44. Disney World Tournaments were the best thing ever.
This needs no explanation.
45. Mall trips on tournaments were an easy way to pass time.
It was interesting because with every new town came a new small with new crazy socks.
46. A lot of girls on your team most likely played basketball, too.
Basketball is soccer, just with fewer players and you use your hands. And you probably spent a lot of time going from sport to sport.
47. You probably did some rowdy stuff while team bonding.
Teepeeing people. Bashing pumpkins. Prank-calling. Gallon smashing. Scavenger hunts. Coning. Everything.
48. You cried on your senior night game.
If you were not playing in college, it meant that it was the end of years and years of memories. It meant you were leaving a part of your life behind. If you were playing in college, it still meant you were leaving behind the people you grew up playing with for years and years. It was emotional
49. You could eat whatever you wanted and not get fat.
And you did, you ate literally everything.
50. Your favorite Twitter hashtag will always be #ReasonsIDontCheer
It made cheerleaders mad but it made you laugh for hours.
51. Surgeries were devastating.
You could miss a teammate for a whole year just because their muscles failed on them. It was so sad. ACLS are so common in soccer.
52. "Beast" and "beastly" were your two favorite words and you used them way too much.
You were so annoying but at the time calling someone a "beast" was the best compliment you could give them.
53. Your teammates are you best friends.
It may be years since you played, but you can still call up your teammates and talk to them about anything.
