Dear Employers at Dream Job,

I am Dalila, a freshman at Union College. I believe I am best suited for this job because of many qualities I contain that make me as awesome as Skai Jackson's Twitter fight against Azealea Banks.

One of my favorite activities that I have been able to recently take part in has been visiting Skyzone, and participating in an afternoon excursion with my friends! It’s such an amazing place to not only have fun, but experience a true workout! I learned from my trampoline escapades that this really takes endurance, as I end up jumping twice to land in the foam pit and then I can feel my heart slowly dying in my chest from all the jumping and exercise *hears inner snarl from lungs*. By being able to keep up with my overathletic friends at Sky Zone jumping around all over the place, I know I'll have no trouble keeping up with everyone at work!

I also know how to have fun! I love to dance, though I am not actually trained. For example, when I go to a party and they play "My Boo" by Ghost Town DJ's, I immediately start to do the running man and I usually end up embarrassing the hell out of myself, but manage to make everyone in my presence happy (or embarrassed, oh well). I also believe a great way to get in the zone of having fun is by embodying the legendary man, DJ Khaled. To have the most possible fun at work, we should instill the mottos of, "They Don't Want Us to Be Successful" and, "Bless Up", but always "the major key". When I need a motivational boost, I think of DJ Khaled's hit song, "All I Do Is Win", where I end up randomly raising my hands and having them stay there throughout the whole song (up down, up down, up down).

I believe the best way to work is also to maintain a happy and positive persona. I always make an effort to keep a smile on my face, and be respectful not only to those I am serving, but to my coworkers as well. This is key, as the way to carry out a task in the best way possible is to do so without qualms, and putting your best foot forward. For example, when I go to class, and a teacher isn't feeling so hot for whatever reason, I suggest canceling class to them which they usually respond with a dirty look and a "Are you kidding me?" response. This may not work, but if the majority is happy, then everyone is!

The key to hard work is persistence. You gotta keep going at something to get successful. For example, I'm attaching my mixtape to the back of this cover letter because I want to become famous and be in the ranks of such superstars like Demi Lovato, Drake, and hopefully DJ Khaled. If enough people hear this, they will understand how much of a creative genius I am and help me achieve ultimate success.

Being dedicated to multiple activities in college, such as being a writer for an online publication, and participating in orchestra as the principal of my section, as well as being on the executive board of the women’s club at my school, I think I can properly show a great amount of dedication and commitment towards having a job here, and putting my all into my work. I am also very good at multitasking. For example, while writing this cover letter, I managed to watch a whole episode of Scandal and write three paragraphs for my paper due this week. If that's not great multi tasking, I don't know what is!

To contact me further, please email me at dhaden@pleasehiremeimdesperate.com.

Thank you for all your consideration and BLESS UP,

Dalila "I Swear My Mixtape Is Really Fire" Haden

*PARODY*