For a long time, I never truly understood what the word forgiveness meant. The literal definition of it is "to stop feeling anger toward someone who has done something wrong" or "to stop blaming someone," but I suppose, over the years, I had created an incorrect idea of what forgiveness genuinely was. In my mind, forgiveness meant that you were ready to welcome the person who did you wrong back into your life and begin to rebuild your relationship with them. Forgiveness was supposed to be easy, and that's a concept that I struggled to grasp because I am not one who lets things go easily.
As terrible as it sounds, forgiveness sounded like an easy way out for the wrong-doer. I remember thinking How will people ever learn their lesson if I forgive them? I believed that as long as I was angry - as long as I held a grudge - they would suffer, and I really wanted them to suffer. So, for some time, I never truly wanted to forgive the people who did me wrong because I thought it wouldn't do me any good.
Those who know me know how much I like to be right, but in this case, I was so wrong.
When I finally read the word's actual definition, I was surprised of how simple it was. Forgiveness does not obligate you to welcome them back in your life. Forgiveness does not force you to rebuild your relationship with them. Forgiveness isn't technically about the other person at all: it's about stopping your constant dwelling over the situation and coming to terms with it yourself.
It's not about them, it's about you.
Living with all those negative feelings tucked deep down is self-destructive. Constantly replaying awful events in your mind and wondering why people did the things they did to you is not healthy. Freeing yourself from the anger you felt towards that person doesn't mean you're letting them off the hook for what they did - they'll have to live with the guilt of that for the rest of their life - you're just moving on.
What you choose to do after you forgive someone is up to you. Whether that be welcoming them back in your life, rebuilding your relationship with them, or saying good-bye forever, that's your choice. The main point is that you've let go of those gut-wrenching feelings of hatred or blame. Because as much as that person probably deserves to be disliked, "holding onto anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
