Today marks one month since I turned in my last final and packed up my room at Stetson Cove. No matter if I was ready or not (which I in no way was), I was finished college. I took all the required classes, completed all my cultural credits and my bill from Stetson came back zero. On December 16^th, my life as a college student was offically over. Now I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to adjust to post-grad life from living at home full time again to no longer being able to go out on Wednesday nights to having to let my parents know moment by moment where I am like I was suddenly a freshman in high school again. But the adjustment just hasn’t been hard, it sucks.

Now some might think I’m being a bit negative and pessimistic, hell ask my parents and they’ll say I’m just being a typical ‘millennial’, whatever that is. And maybe some days I am, but it does suck and any young person I ask that has graduated college within the last five years agrees. If you’re still in college you might be thinking, ‘oh it can’t be that bad’, but just wait, once you too join the inevitable club you’ll understand. It’s even worse for ones like myself who went to college far away and now has to move back home, 1000 miles plus away from all their friends and the life they made for themselves in their college town.

I’ve cried a good dozen times since graduating college and moving back home. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy to finally be able to say I have a bachelor’s degree and to know that I did it, I graduated college. I’m grateful for the full-time job I now have and that I was so fortunate to find one so quickly. But although I have gained a college diploma, I feel as though I have lost so much too.

With graduating college, I have lost most of my independence that I took for granted just a month earlier. Moving back home is tough, and I love my family to death, that’s why in college I loved visiting, but to know I’m here permanently and not just for a visit is hard. After being away for three years in your own apartment, in your own space, it's hard moving back into your childhood room. It just doesn’t feel like home anymore. My parents also without even realizing most of the time, treat me like I’m 15 years old again. I have to text them when I get to work and when I leave, times I forget and don’t I can guarantee a lecture later that night. And if it’s not for that reason, I can still count on a lecture or two each week for some choice I’ve made they don’t agree with. I miss being around those my own age that didn't criticize each and every choice I make.

I’ve lost some of the simplest things I used to do like just randomly going on walks or runs all the time at school, just to clear my head and listen to music I love. When I go out by myself at home I’m told I’m being reckless and stupid. My parents automatically think I must be upset since I don’t want to be with them or friends, when it’s not that at all, I just appreciate my time alone as much as I appreciate time with friends.

I miss my friends at school terribly, without having them close by it honestly feels like a huge part of me is now gone. I love my friends in New Jersey, but it’s just not the same as the bond I’ve made with the great group of my college friends. I miss going out Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights without getting lectured that I’m drinking too much. I miss the four-dollar long islands and the bars in my college town. I miss the freedom of being able to go out when and where I want without having to give my parents an itinerary.

I even miss going to class and writing papers and learning. As dumb as it sounds I was good at being a student. I studied hard, got good grades and still had time to have a decent social life. I love writing papers and learning, that’s why I can’t wait to go to graduate school. It’s a completely different ball game when you join the workforce, it’s hard. You have to once again create a new identity around new people, most twice your age. The perk of getting paid every two weeks is nice, but the fear of messing up at work is not.

I miss being a college student and I won’t apologize for feeling this way. I’m tired of adults telling me to just grow up and get over it. I understand college had to eventually come to an end, but no one prepares you for how you’re going to feel those first few months or even years after leaving that part of your life behind. There is no easy way to put it: it sucks.

College prepares you for a lot and you come out knowing so much more than when you entered, but it in no way mentally prepares you for how you are going to feel in this post-grad world. I’m so thankful for all the great and even not-so-great college moments and not a bone in my body regrets going to school so far away, I just wish graduating didn’t mean losing it all and having to start over again. I’ve heard it gets easier after the first year, so I’m holding on to that hope. That when I once again can move out and have that independence back, adulthood just won’t feel so gloomy. It has to right?