Did you hear me? A JOKE. "Why is it a joke, Tate?" Well I don't mean joke as in "not worth time" or "not serious". I mean it's a fluke. A scam. A SHAM. You can clearly see the bitterness in my tone, folks.

My undergraduate experience at Elmhurst College was indescribable, honestly. To this day I remember my freshman orientation, my sorority rush weekend, the first day of each year. I fell so in love with my school. I was immersed in peer to peer interactions, evolving every year as time passed. My fellow grads (well most...haha) understand. College was just ... wow. From the organizations to the school traditions it's a unique experience across the world for students. College was your own little world for 4+ years...and then the world falls apart.

The issue with graduating college is that the amount of time and care put into getting in is not put into getting out. This is no shade to the amazing student affairs professionals who truly make college impeccable, but if someone were to tell me about the heartache and anxiety that accompanies graduating, I would've never done it.

Students from afar have created a whole new family

And it's difficult to just let it go and skip back home. When you've traveled from home to an entirely new city, you create a new family to supplement the one you've left. You get attached and develop a new love for strangers who become brothers, sisters, "moms" and "dads". These people have a space in your heart as they've watched you grow at a rapid pace through a crucial time in life. You can imagine how heart-wrenching it is to just leave this comfort and go back to a place that is now somewhat unfamiliar.

So, they don't exactly teach you how to let go and sort your emotions post-graduation.

I understand that by the time we graduate, we're adults. In essence we should be able to process our emotions healthily; I doubt anyone really takes time to think of ways to comfort the new graduates. But, MAN. Let me tell you I cried until crying wasn't possible. I couldn't process leaving Elmhurst after evolving into a woman completely different from the little girl I arrived as. The pain was deep because I didn't know how to continue on without people I spent every single day with for 4 years.

I wish I would've had space to really understand what it meant to graduate...

What it means to actually be on your own. While we're on our own in college, that was different. Some of us had parents as a safety net. Though peers sneer at those who had mommy and daddy by their side, that wasn't exactly glamorous. You had a false, temporary sense of independence when you knew your parents would catch you when you fell. Now, they've moved away. You've gotten a job in a new city. Changes are still happening in the midst of your little emotional flurry and you must continue to dig out your own life post-college. Graduating meant no more spaces saturated with peers in your age group. It meant making brand new friends all over again in environments were friendships were not facilitated. It meant re-branding yourself because you're no longer the vice president of your sorority so how the hell do you introduce yourself?!

This may sound trivial but it's certainly an uncomfortable space to be in!

You may not see some friends for a long while now that you're no longer in school. You have a mini-identity crisis because for so long you identified with your school or organization and now you must start from scratch ... again. Your support system disintegrates a little. In short, you made a home from nothing. Like a bird building a nest in a tree you put the pieces together one by one to create something remotely as safe as the home you flocked; only for this nest to be kicked out the tree and onto the ground. So, who expects a bird to re-build her nest without sorely missing the one that has kept her safe until it was displaced?

Grateful to have conquered college successfully, I can certainly say that saying goodbye was not as easy as movies make it seem. It was difficult and painful. I share my hard time coping with separating from school because I know future graduates will, too. You are not crazy for crying for weeks after the ceremony, or randomly tearing up when you see old pictures from that one time on campus. My best friend and sister Val told me that college was meant to be a short journey that you keep close to your heart and use for reference. She said that though college was great, you have so many more life memories to be made. Even though it's difficult to see right now, those 4 years were a part of the story and not the story itself. Val sure is wise. Take her advice, and re-build your new nest keeping in mind the comfort of the one you had before it.

PS it's still a joke but make sure to graduate :)

Pack light y'all