Graduation is just around the corner and I feel like I’m finally beginning to accept that the best four years of my life are coming to an end.

College has taught me so much and it’s sad to think that soon it’s all going to change. Within these past few weeks, everything I thought was going to happen after I graduated has drastically changed, and I feel so lost.

I feel the pressure of society telling me that I need to have a plan. I need to have it all figured out and I need to figure it out fast. Well, you know what, I don’t have a plan and I’m not even entirely sure that it’s going to be figured out any time soon, but one thing I do know is that it’s all going to be okay.

So, to all of those college students who don’t have a plan and don’t know what they’re doing right out of college, MORE POWER TO YOU.

There is so much action in waiting. In the Bible, Matthew 20:1-16 tells the story of a landowner who went out four different times of the day to hire men to work in his vineyard. When it came time to pay them, every man was paid the same wages despite the fact that some men had been working early in the morning, and some had only worked for an hour.

This story seems unfair at first, but I resonate with this story so much and this is why. The men who only worked an hour waited that entire day for work to come. They saw other men being picked to work right in front of them, and they had to sit patiently trusting that work would come. And it did.

I think there is a major misconception that waiting is a bad thing. In life, you have to have everything planned and mapped out, right? If you don’t, then that means you didn’t try hard enough. You didn’t work hard enough. Some might even say that you’re being lazy, but that is not what I’ve come to know and realize.

I’ve applied for jobs and have received rejection emails. I have attempted to utilize my contacts to help me get a job, but with no luck. I’ve worked three jobs in the past year trying to keep my head above water. And now that I’m about to graduate, you would think I would “have it all together,” but I don’t. And I am completely okay with that.

So here I am, waiting.

I am waiting and having faith that God hears my prayers and is leading me right where I need to be. Faith that despite this time of uncertainty, my Father knows what is coming and is certain that it is good. I have hope knowing that the God I know loves me and that this time of waiting and this time where I sometimes feel like I have nothing left but my faith, will be one of the most rewarding times of my life.

There are definitely some things I have to look forward to. As of last week, I am an ENGAGED woman! The patience my fiancé has with me and his willingness to walk right beside me is one of the major things that is keeping me going. I know his strength comes from God, and I know that our marriage will be strong because of the faith we have.

One of my best friends, Savannah Wilkinson, graduated from Grand Canyon University, just as I am now. She waiting for months on end with nothing but faith, perseverance, and prayers. Although it felt that at times, her prayers and pleas fell on deaf ears, she quickly learned that wasn’t true. She is now a nurse at the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles and she is thriving. She knows that she is there because of her faith and because that is where God wanted her to be.

In her time of silence, Savannah wrote this poem and has allowed me to share it with you.

So with that, don’t lose heart. Don’t give up. Your time is coming and I promise you that God hears your cries and see’s your pain and he is not ignoring you. God doesn’t work within YOUR timeline so STOP trying to fit him into YOUR time frame. Let him work, and I promise you, it’s worth it.

THE SILENCE

I had never been much of a dreamer.

I didn’t think much past the here and now.

I’d get to this place, find a new path, and start over again.

I didn’t know it would feel like this.

Staring into the eyes of my future while simultaneously holding the hand of my past.

I’m not ready! You know that as well as I.

And yet here I stand.

They hand me a diploma, move my tassel, and declare that I’m officially an adult.

I can do what I want when I want because I have that tiny piece of paper.

I’ve made it.

So I stand there, staring out into the eyes of the people who’ve supported me along this journey, and I’ve got nothing.

Nothing but thousands of questions that I don’t know how to answer.

“What was your major?” “How are you going to make money with that?” “Do you think that’s really the best idea?” “Have you decided if you want to live here, or back home?”

All these questions piling up in my head, with not a single response to give them.

So I cry out to God like any good, decent, self-respecting Christian girl would do.

And there is nothing but silence.

So I take a chance when it’s handed to me.

I walk the path that I think I’m supposed to go.

I laugh, I cry, I stare death in the face every single day, and I say goodbye to too many souls.

It hurts too much to even breathe somedays, so I wonder if this is really what I’m meant to do.

So I cry out to God like any good, decent, self-respecting, Christian girl would do.

And there is nothing but silence.

I walk this constant uphill battle, who am I kidding? I’m climbing a freaking mountain.

Never sure if I’m taking the right step, or if I am going to fall all the way back down.

I reach for a safe hold, and sometimes it isn’t enough. Sometimes its too far. Sometimes I really wish that there was someone there to pull me up.

So I cry out to God like any good, decent, self-respecting, Christian girl would do.

And there is nothing but silence.

I finally stand at the top of this mountain, looking out at the path I just climbed.

Looking down at the road below.

Looking up at the endless sky.

And I’m reminded of the Israelites as they made it through the entire Old Testament.

From Genesis, past the books of the law, through the pages of poetry, hearing stories of the major prophets, all the way to little Malachi.

And they hear him speak of the Messiah, knowing that He’s coming.

And then there is nothing but silence.

Four-hundred years, they waited for an answer from God.

And i’m complaining because he’s not answering me NOW?

Maybe this is exactly where i was supposed to be all along.

Maybe I was destined to land here in this moment, where I had no sense of direction.

Maybe, just maybe, I was supposed to keep walking to end up here.

So that HE could teach ME.

And in that moment, the silence is deafening.

"Be still. My daughter. Be still. Let me do what I do. Let me make the plans. Let me show you the path. Let me love you."

And suddenly I understood the beauty of silence.