I remember every time we spoke over the phone you would love to hear me say my full name. I never truly understood why you liked it so much though. Could it have been the way I would not always say it correctly or was it because I would actually take the time to say all those names I had decided to add in? Regardless of the reason,I always think back about those times and remember the way you would laugh and tell me how much you loved me after I had finished. Being so young maybe I never appreciated you and the way you were. I did not appreciate all the love you always gave me. Looking back at it all now that I'm older, I get all those silly looks you would give me. I understand why you would sit there patiently as I did your make up(horribly), but you would sit there let me finish and after tell me you loved it.

You always had remarks for EVERYTHING. I cannot think of a time that you said something and my mom would not look down and shake her head with disapproval but she would do it as she would try not to laugh. Growing up without you here with me I always had you in my mind wondering what you would do or how you would react to them. You were always with me, maybe not in person, but in spirit. I look back at the times I turned to you spiritually thinking about the advise you would be giving me if you were here. Telling me to find a cute boyfriend if not you would not approve of him!

Saying I needed to stay in school and do well so I could get a good job after I was done. For everything I turned to you. Wishing and hoping that in some way you would come to me and answer everything it was that I needed but there was still that part of me that really needed you here with me. Yea, I would look to you for guidance spiritually but I still carried that gap of your missing presence with me through all the major events in my life. How many times didn't I wish you were with me on the day of my quince, so you could yell at everyone to make sure everything was going by smoothly. Or the fact that the one person I wanted most to be at my graduation to see me walk as I got my diploma was you. All the major events I've had until this point you missed. My first date, my first heartbreak, and the day I realized I was actually an adult that needed to make real life choices. All those times I just wanted to sit down and talk with you about everything I felt I couldn't talk to anyone else about. I get that your'e always going to be with me but why can't you really be with me? Why did you have to leave me and so soon? My parents always said that it was because God needed you but, I needed you too.

I still need you now more than ever. I wish I could sit and talk with you for at least one hour to tell you everything you've missed and how I got to where I am today. To pick your brain about different directions I should go with my life. We were so close when I was younger and although you are gone now,I know we would have still been close.

Over the years I stopped being mad at the fact that you never got to be here but that feeling still creeps up on me every once in a while. It's always difficult to deal with, but the way I do is to think about our moments together and think about how you would have been with me as I got older. All I can have are those beautiful memories you left me with and cherish them forever until we see each other again. Everything you ever showed me and taught me have led me to where I am now. Thank you, Grandma because of who you were and the way you were I can be me. I hope that wherever your'e watching me from,I've made you proud of who I've become.

Love, Tiffany